We've all fantasized about getting an invitation to Hogwarts, but what would an invitation to a Potter date look like – and what about the date itself?
There are many love stories in the wizarding world; Cho and Harry, Ron and Hermione, and Hagrid and Madame Maxime, to name a few.
But there are only two descriptions of Valentine's Day. One is with Gilderoy Lockhart at the helm in Hogwarts in The Chamber of Secrets. The other is when Harry takes Cho on their only date, in Hogsmeade in The Order of the Phoenix.
If you were unable to bag a ticket to dinner in the Great Hall at the Warner Bros. studio in England, here's what you can do to match up with Potter standards:
1. Find someone on Tinder
Harry only went on one date with Cho, so you need someone fresh to ensure maximum awkwardness.
If you're in a relationship already, get the other person to do a Potter date too so you can compare.
2. Prepare your home
Plaster a room in your house with massive pink flowers, just as Lockhart decorated the Great Hall. I would recommend roses and lilies for maximum odor. Buy matching pink robes.
Get as many owls as you can and tie Valentine's messages to them. Hold them in one room of the house. In the book there are 800 but that's not reasonable.
Hire a dozen dwarves. Attach gold wings to their backs and give them harps – Lockhart has these cupid figures running throughout the school all day to deliver messages. Place them in another room.
Teach each one an awful rhyme littered with wizardy references. Here's the one Ginny Weasley wrote for Harry:
His eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard.
I wish he was mine, he's really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord
3. Invite your date over
Enjoy a breakfast of porridge in the pink room. After 30 minutes, release the owls – they need to disrupt the breakfast with droppings and feathers, forcing you to leave your home.
The dwarves should follow in pursuit, taking it in turns to recite a rhyme every 10 minutes.
4. Flee to a tea shop
Ideally with a sign saying Madam Puddifoot's, like the one where Harry takes Cho for their Valentine's coffee.
Two gold-painted children, as small as possible, should be waiting suspended from the ceiling above your table. Once you're seated they should shower you with pink confetti at regular intervals. They will play the cherubs who flutter above Harry and Cho.
5. Make it uncomfortable
Harry drove Cho to bolt due to his insensitivity from lack of babe experience. You must attempt the same.
Have long-term couples stationed in pairs at the other tables, and order them to be as affectionate as possible. These replace the hand-holding duos in Puddifoot's, like Roger Davies and his girlfriend. Gaze longingly at the canoodling couples in silence.
Invite your date to meet a girl with you afterwards to make her jealous. Harry invited Cho to meet Hermione with him, the fool.
At this point he or she should be ready to leave. If they don't, then get the dwarves to drive your date down the street. Chase after, protesting, but not effectively enough to get them to stop. Harry lost Cho after she fled into the rain.
Go celebrate the completion of your near-perfect Potter Valentine's with a drink with some friends. This follows Harry going to see Hermione at the Three Broomsticks.
Good luck, and happy Valentine's Day!
What Potter-themed Valentine's ideas do you have?