* I GET EXCITED AND CAN'T KEEP MY FUCKING MOUTH SHUT*
For the past year or so the internet has been inundated with videos, pictures, weird promos, movie trailers and even behind the scene footage of the latest instalment of superhero movie to hit the silver screen, that's right I'm talking about Deadpool!
Now, I had recently retired from the review writing business, at least that was until some ugly motherfucking, katana wielding, gun forgetting, maniac came into my life (and my ass) and completely ruined everything. So when you try not to be a reviewer and someone comes along and makes your new favourite movie of all time EVER, it's time to become a fucking reviewer..... Again.
The Deadpool origin story is a familiar one, as most superhero movies are these days but what it is that separates this origin story apart from the rest is Wade Wilson himself. Our protagonist played by "Hollywood's Sexiest Man" Ryan Reynolds. We've all saw the clips and most of you have read the comics or know of the Deadpool origin and basically long story cut short, he gets cancer, agrees to experimentation to save his life & become a super-fucking-hero (minus the hero part but with a lot of fucking). The experiments though are horrific, cruel and unbelievably sadistic and all ran by our paint by numbers bad guy Ajax played by Ed Skrein. Ajax does everything he can to be the intimidating, super scary bad guy and I'm not saying he isn't good at it, it's just with Wade Wilson quipping his way through his torture it makes it hard for us to even begin to take him serious as it's just too funny to see a man being tortured to breaking point and there is even a moment or two when you think "He's broke this time, he can't keep making jokes" but he still manages it, making Ajax look even more of a useless dick. Which isn't at all a discredit to Ed Skrein it's just hard to look hard when Wade Wilson is the person you're trying to hurt.
The movie also breaks away from that obvious origin story format by instead using flashbacks accompanied by fourth wall breaking and clever narrative. Deadpool will look directly into the camera and talk to you, the always watching audience in a way that I haven't enjoyed as much since Ferris Bueller did on his day off. (Look out for a great reference to that after the movie). All this wall breaking is greatly done but it needs some bone breaking too and Deadpool does a shit load of that, mostly his own bones but that just adds to the hilarity of this perfectly made masterpiece. Did I just say masterpiece? It's hardly Van Gogh, more Van Wilder Gore Liaison but not in a bad way. There is so much beautifully crafted Gun-Fu on levels the likes of which I have never seen. Keanu Reeves will be spinning in his grave, God rest his soul.
The choreography is a delight to watch, Deadpool is so quick on his feet and loves to show boat with some cool "flip triple kill with one bullet" type moves that you can't just help but gawk at in admiration of how ridiculously pointless but cool it was. He's an impractical killer but an efficient one, from taking on more bad guys than he has bullets, to katana decapitation round house kick kills and he does it all for you, the audience because like Truman finds out in his movie the show is all about him. He is self aware, the movie knows it's a movie and Deadpool knows of past mistakes that have happened in previous movies from both the Marvel and DC side of things. I would say the less said about that the better but not with Deadpool, I say let him talk forever and may his mouth never be sewn shut again. It's all these little references to our reality that makes Deadpool feel real despite all it's ridiculous glory, it feels set in our world and it feels as if I could be driving home one day and see him take down a convoy of bad guys on my street or in my town because he keeps referring to movies I watch and things that we see in our own world. Have you ever heard an Avenger or The X-Men mention having nightmares about Liam Neeson? No? Well, Deadpool does and that's what makes Deadpool real to me dammit!
The supporting cast for the movie are also great to watch, I actually enjoyed seeing a superhero movie on a bit of a smaller scale for a change as everyone seems to be trying to tie all their movie universes together. Deadpool stands as part of The X-Men Universe and they don't try to hide that fact but they don't ram hundreds of plot lines and characters down your throat to make you understand it. It truly stands on it's own two feet and the characters we are introduced to are all easily understood and introduced with plain and simple intentions. Weasel (see above) is Deadpool's best friend and I know that because he's a fucking asshole to Deadpool, yet he's still alive. That's called friendship. Blind Al is Deadpool's blind old lady friend who lives with Deadpool and doesn't really give a shit that he is what he is. Colossus is a big Russian metal guy trying to get Deadpool to join the X-Men and become the noble superhero that he knows he can be and Negasonic Teenage Warhead is a student at Xaviers School for Gifted Youngsters and gets dragged along with Colossus because she's young and can't be left alone.... Wait, "Negasonic Teenage WHAT-THE-SHIT??" To quote our Merc with a Mouth. Negasonic Teenage Warhead is a young girl with a shaved head.
She can harness energy to give out huge explosive blasts of sheer power, she's not a complex character, she doesn't need some overly convoluted back story she's just in the movie as a supporting character and we're all the better for having her snarky little remarks and complete indifference to Deadpool and his ridiculous ways. We know the universe the X-Men exist in and we know that Deadpool exists in that universe but then crosses that line into our universe which is kind of mind bending, depending on how high you get before seeing this movie, which I'd recommend being high but not too high because this hugely, brilliant, fucking gore filled, comedy, fuck fest of a movie has a soft spot.
Which brings me to Deadpool's "best girl" Vanessa played by Morena Baccarin and it only makes me believe that Ryan Reynolds must be a fucking delight to be around because the love story that I watched felt real. Behind all the crazy superhero with a lust for blood act, there is a truly compelling and tragic love story. Mercenary meets Prostitute, Mercenary and Prostitute fuck a lot, like, llloooaaadddss, Prostitute and Mercenary fall in love, Mercenary gets cancer, Prostitute is devastated, Mercenary gets superpowers, Prostitute gets kidnapped, Mercenary has to save Prostitute. Just your average love story really. The movie truly does have a heart, it shows the pain that such a thing like cancer can cause for people and the people they love and it shows just how far some people will go for love. Such as killing a freeway full of bad guys in broad daylight with only 12 bullets, love is a powerful thing as is Deadpool.
The overall plot isn't convoluted or hard to follow and I'm glad for that, anyone remember a fucking fantastic movie called Dredd? They basically just went upstairs and killed a whole bunch of people and that was it. Who needs huge plotlines? Not me, Captain America: Civil War? Pffft. Batman Vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice, DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH! I'm actually really excited for both of these movies but I just think it's time we stand up and realise that the low budget underdog of a movie just stood up and gave a big FUCK YOU to the multi-million dollar budget movies and gave us a great all rounder for everyone to enjoy, well.... except the fucking children! Fuck them. Seat kicking pricks ruined Age of Ultron. This is not a movie for children in any way, unless you want to be answering questions about why Deadpool does weird shit with unicorns and why he's wearing a dog leash while that naked lady rides him from behind. I ain't prepared for that shit and I already told my son I'd let him watch it. I'm fucked, be a good parent and do the complete opposite of me.
Absolutely insane hilarious shit kicker of a movie. I give it my solid seal of approval because don't we all want to be just a little bit more like Deadpool? A solid 10/10 and I would hate to be any other superhero movie coming out this year.
I am The Dame
It's Time to Make the Chimi-Fucking-Changas
Go Fuck Yourself!