First things first: Despite what's been said, there are not two post-credits scenes in Deadpool. Not really. There's one, split into two by a brief cut to black.
If you don't want to know any more — although the scenes don't spoil anything whatsoever about Deadpool — then take a swerve right, your taxi awaits. Pay Dopinder in a currency more valuable than a crisp high five.
Ready? OK. Part one is a good old-fashioned homage to Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Deadpool steps into his hallway wearing a bathrobe over his suit, and satirizes the MCU's habit of teasing a future film in the post-credits scene.
“What were you expecting? Sam Jackson in an eyepatch?”
It's fun, but brief. If you don't remember Ferris Bueller or you're just too young, check out the classic "It's over, go home!" scene below.
After the cut to black, Deadpool re-emerges, still in the robe, and says the words: "I can tell you one thing, but it's a bit of a secret..."
If it's a secret, it's officially the worst kept in Hollywood: Deadpool's intel for us is that Cable will be the villain of Deadpool 2.
Which is awesome.
For more on the Marvel and DC Easter Eggs littered throughout Deadpool — including some outrageously funny Green Lantern riffs — check out 12 Shady Deadpool Easter Eggs Guaranteed To Have You Touching Yourself Tonight.