WARNING: If you haven't seen 'Deadpool,' spoilers lie beneath. Also, what the hell is wrong with you?!
Imagine a strobe light relentlessly flashing into your eyes until you feel like you might have a psychotic break. That is how scatter gun Deadpool's jokes were in the movie, but incredibly there were more that didn't make the cut.
Zombieland writers Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese have given us an insight into their manic scripting process and below are some of the jokes that got a bullet before they hit the big screen. The question is, do you think that they deserved to die?
1. Avocado or shit? You decide!
When T.J. Miller improvised his impassioned tirade about Deadpool's appearance including the "topographical map of Utah" line from the trailer, he also came up with plenty of cut lines, one of them being:
"It looks like Shrek took a s–t on your shoulders.”
Which joke do you prefer?
2. No Rhymes Or Reason
Wade Wilson compares the violent Angel Dust to the former View host, but O’Donnell almost missed out on her not-so-flattering shout out.
Other contenders for the comparison include Kevin Sorbo, Chyna and Busta Rhymes. Scriptwriter Rett Reese explained:
"All night long during the shoot, we were running in and whispering names in Ryan’s ear. My preferred choice was Criss Angel, Mindfreak. God Bless Gina Carano for being such a good sport. Chyna, the professional wrestler, was one of the names, and Gina, with her background in MMA fighting, took that especially hard.”
Which name did you find the funniest?
3. Zaboni Zingers
When Deadpool is about to make what is probably the first cinematic death by Zamboni, the film's executive producer pitched "Ice to see you!" but director Tim Miller went for the "I'm going to kill you... in five minutes!" jibe instead.
Which joke Zaboni zinger did you prefer?
4. Action Figure Action
In a scene that ended up on the cutting room floor, Wade picks up the action figure of the almost universally loathed Deadpool from X-Men Origins: Wolverine. He examines the Merc with NO Mouth with a grimace, and throws it with disdain while saying:
“This? This is the biggest piece of s–t in the history of Earth.”
The script writers decided that this quip would come across as a bit heavy handed so they opted to give it the chop altogether and concentrate of Deadpool's all consuming love of Wham instead.
Do you think they should have kept this joke?
5. Got That June Bug
While he's traveling with Dopinder, the unlucky-in-love taxi driver asks Deadpool what Mama June tastes like. One of the original lines was:
"Like Rush Limbaugh’s couch cushions after Shark Week."
But Tim Miller thought that ‘Like two hobos fucking in a shoe filled with piss’ was more hilarious, so it stuck.
Which Mama June taste is your flavor of the month?
6. Cokey Trebek
Originally, Deadpool had Canadian Jeopardy! host Alex Trebek down as his bet because, in Wade's own deleted words:
"A lot of people don’t know this but Alejandro’s favorite color is cocaine.”
Writer Paul Wernick explained that they chose Trebek to highlight the ridiculous nature of the rumor, he said:
"Implying that Alex Trebek is a cocaine addict and he’s likely to die of an overdose — we though that was the most patently ridiculous rumor of all time. But it was so random that we worried if Trebek himself might find that unfunny. We also wanted to hit the story point that Weasel had bet on Deadpool. So discretion proved to be the better part of valor, and we dropped that one.”
Are you down with cokey Trebeck?
7. Bitches Be Trippin'
In one scene, one of Ajax's (or should we call him Francis?) men grabs at Deadpool's ankle but gets a face full of scarlet boot for his efforts. While he foot-stomped some features, Deadpool was meant to say, "Your plan to trip me to death... has failed," but the writers decided it detracted from the plot.
Reece explained that although the movie revolves around Deadpool's constant quipping, he needs to be reigned in sometimes:
"Oftentimes the hero’s on a journey in that third act, but because Deadpool is so A.D.D. he makes these jokes even when the plot is more consequential. But there were moments in time when even we had to snap back in and focus on the story. This was one of those. At that exact moment, when Deadpool and Vanessa are seeing each other for the first time, we felt like not telling a joke."
Do you think Deadpool ever needs to pipe down a bit?
What was your favorite Deadpool joke? Share your best bits in the comments below!
(Source: Entertainment Weekly)