They say don't shoot the messenger – or the pizza delivery guy, as the case may be. Do navigation, time management, and customer service all sound like big, scary hassles for you? Then meet some of the poor, unfortunate souls that bring (presumably) fresh, hot pizza to your front door.
Nick Davis (30 Minutes Or Less)
Nick Davis is a pot-smoking slacker and pizza delivery person shuffling through life in Grand Rapids, Michigan. One day, he's attacked by two men, one in a gorilla mask and another in a monkey mask. Waking up, he finds a vest rigged with explosives strapped to his chest, with a timer and a cellular phone-activated trigger. The two assailants tell him that if he doesn't rob a bank in 10 hours, the bomb will detonate. Even George Clooney and Matt Damon had more time in Ocean's 11. And that's roughly the time it takes for a pizza to get delivered in my neck of the woods.
Peter Parker (Spider-man 2)
Yup, we'd all love to shoot webs from our hands and swing from tall buildings. We'd probably not want to be Peter Parker, though. Between paying the rent and getting yelled at by J.K. Simmons, we don't envy the abuse of being a pizza delivery guy in a comic book New York City. It's also a magical place where people are only in danger on your schedule and people reject perfectly edible (but very late) pizza.
That Guy From Home Alone
It may have forced the world to accept Macauley Culkin as a child star, Home Alone included two hilarious moments involving pizza. One of them sees a delivery guy from the sadly fictional Little Nero’s Pizza. Sliding on the icy road and into a small statue, the hapless driver gets out of his car and knocks on the door, only to be met not with Kevin, but a scene from a movie.
In that movie, the character is taunting another man, whom the delivery guy believes to be himself, before firing a hail of bullets. This sends the delivery guy diving for cover before peeling out of the driveway, probably only realizing minutes later that he has zero bullet holes.
That Other Guy from Toy Story 2
Three movies into the franchise and we still don't know how good the pizza at Toy Story's Pizza Planet is. What we do know is that there's someone out there that really needs their truck back.
Imagine this: you're a pizza delivery person and you have to explain to your boss how you lost the company vehicle to a group of possessed toys who can somehow drive a stick-shift better than you. Sound exciting? I didn't think so.
Whoever Delivered Pizza The Hutt (Spaceballs)
It may not be a flattering portrayal for the pizza chain, but Pizza the Hutt is one of the more memorable takeaways from Mel Brooks’ space saga parody. The blob of cheese and pepperoni threatens the movie’s hero by extorting a million space bucks and continually reminds them that “pizza is gonna send out for you!” As scary as the idea of a living pile of pizza is, just remember that someone had to deliver or bake this…thing. Pray for their soul.
Remember, dear reader: pizza always comes with a price.