TV's Homer Jay Simpson may have laughed his way into our hearts for the past 27 years, but he's no saint. No, far from it. The 38 years he's lived on this Earth definitely haven't been perfect, but this year he's finally taking your questions and God forbid if we don't get some answers.
Voiced as always by the impeccable Dan Castellaneta, Homer will be responding to fan questions live during The Simpsons's May 15th broadcast for the episode's final three minutes on the East and West coasts. Homer homies can tweet their thoughts using the hashtag #HomerLive this Sunday, May 1st, through Wednesday, May 4th.
But what, pray tell, should the Internet be asking about in these three precious minutes of its time? Here are nine questions we should be demanding answers for in 140 characters or less.
9. Married To Disaster ('Viva Ned Flanders,' 1999)
"Why did you hit the casino with Ned Flanders of all people?!"
To err is to be human. To wake up drunk with Ned Flanders in what might as well be the Hangover: Part IV is to be Homer Simpson.
You could technically say that getting drunk with and married to a cocktail waitress is hardly that shocking by Homer's standards, but you've gotta know you need help when Ned Flanders is the man you're getting cheeky with.
8. Homer's 11 ('Homer The Vigilante,' 1994)
"What made you bring you family along on a robbery?"
A good parent would do anything for their child – and apparently that includes cat burglary for one Homer Simpson. 'Homer The Vigilante' sees Homer becoming exactly that when things start going missing in Springfield thanks to a wily old retirement home lady. Of course, Homer brings along the family to help him on a hilarious heist. Fight your own battles, Homer.
7. Tongue To Rights ('Make Room For Lisa,' 1999)
"Do you think people should be able to lick the law away?"
Who on Earth would be arrested sitting in Archie Bunker's chair with the Bill of Rights in hand? Ladies and gentlemen of the court, I present to you: Homer Simpson.
It's a trip to Washington D.C. in 'Make Room for Lisa' that has Homer staining the law of the land with his greasy chocolate-covered mitts. When confronted by the authorities, Homer does what any candy-flavored suspect could do: lick the evidence away. In turn, he also conveniently licks away the Bill's clause regarding "cruel and unusual punishment." Ironically enough that's exactly what the Bill of Rights must have endured seconds earlier.
6. Sumo Wrestling Royalty ('Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo,' 1999)
"Did you really think the Emperor Akihito was a sumo wrestler?"
Let's face facts, 1999 was a bad year for Homer – and seemingly anyone else in his path. That included foreign dignitaries, apparently.
In 'Thirty Minutes Over Tokyo,' the Simpsons's vacation is hysterically rerouted to Japan. Naturally, Homer gets in a fight with a sumo wrestler over (what else?) a pretzel and – rather amazingly – wins. There to congratulate him is none other than the Japanese emperor himself, Emperor Akihito. What more can Homer do than challenge the man to round two for the night? Needless to say, tossing royalty in a bin full of dirty undergarments is a universal offense.
5. Working For a Bond Villain ('You Only Move Twice,' 1996)
"Why on earth didn't you figure out the truth about Scorpio?"
On a surface level, Hank Scorpio sounds like the perfect boss: he's charming, he's personable, he's Albert Brooks. So you could forgive a guy like Homer for thinking the world of him – that is, if Scorpio wasn't actually trying to take over the world.
The impossibly perfect boss of the Globex Corporation, Scorpio just happens to be bent on taking over the entire U.S. East Coast and blows up New York City's Queensboro Bridge to prove it. Naturally, a flamethrower and a small country's worth of explosives isn't enough for Homer to add two and two together until he finally loses his new job at Globex and moves his family back to Springfield. But being disappointed with finding the Denver Broncos on his front lawn afterwards? Criminal. Just criminal, Homer.
4. Poisoning Springfield ('The Simpsons Movie,' 2007)
"Have you ever heard of a pooper scooper?"
"Get your sh*t together" is clearly a saying Homer takes to heart when it comes to cleaning up after himself – or his pet pig. The Simpsons Movie sees Springfield's resident genius build a manure silo for his precious little piglet (Spider-Pig, anyone?) It, in turn, ends up falling straight into a nearby lake, poisoning the entire Springfield water supply.
As a result, President Arnold Schwarzenegger puts the town under a not-so-hilarious quarantine, turning the place into Season 4 of Under The Dome. Sheesh, ever heard of a pooper scooper, Homer? No? didn't think so.
3. Every Time Homer's Caused a Nuclear Meltdown
"Was there ever a big blinking button you haven't pressed?"
We could place most, if not all of the blame Springfield's various disasters on Homer's place of employment – Homer plus a nuclear power plant just equals disaster. You just have to assume that at some point, even Homer's caveman instinct has to kick in and think, "Big blinking buttons bad, don't touch buttons, don't blow up Springfield." It hasn't worked yet, but it's time to grow up, Homer.
2. Leaving Marge (2016-???)
"Does Marge really mean anything to you anymore?"
Homer might be a lot of things, but unfaithful wasn't one of them until last year. It seems that 2015 may finally have been the year that Homer just had to scratch that 27 year itch for good when this current season saw him waking up with a Simpsonized-version of Lena Dunham's Hannah Horvath – in a dream. True, it's been a long time since 'The Last Temptation of Homer,' but if not for Marge, what about the kids, Homie? And do you want Kylo Ren after you?
1. Fake Maggie (Gone Maggie Gone, 2009)
"What was going through your head when you forgot Maggie?"
Homer's done a lot of terrible things, but leaving his own infant daughter with a pack of nuns tops this list of "D'ohs." A blind Marge, a solar eclipse, and an errand gone wrong are all a perfect storm for Homer's brain to take a breather, leaving poor Maggie on the steps of a nunnery that won't give her back. We can't blame them, but we can certainly blame Homer for creating the worst infant prop before American Sniper to cover for the mishap back at home. You're no Jim Henson, Homer.