ByBrendan Jesus, writer at Creators.co
I am a Penn State graduate/model/writer/filmmaker/other stuff. I'll probably write about films, or something.
Brendan Jesus

SPOILERS, DUH.

In my last article I spent a good amount of time criticizing horror films, and how much they suck. But now I would like to talk about something near to my heart in the land of horror V/H/S. I stated in my last article that V/H/S is a modern horror film I like, so now I would like to share with you the top six moments from the first and the second, as I am not a huge fan of the third one.

6. Safe Haven 'V/H/S 2'

'Safe Haven' is an unsettling look into cults, almost as unsettling as The Sacrament (written and directed by Ti West of V/H/S). A few Filipino filmmakers followup on this lead for an interesting group to do some documentary work on. Things get super strange, there is a horned monster, and well if you haven't seen it yet why are you reading this article?? SPOILERS!

5. Amateur Night 'V/H/S'

'Amateur Night' is the first segment in V/H/S, and it is a hell of a way to start off a franchise. It's about some frat douches who buy a pair of glasses which have a hidden camera, and their goal is to bring a drunk floozy home and videotape her naked (and probably make a sex tape). There is a girl they bring back to their hotel who keeps repeating the line, "I like you." She is the perfect amount of cute and creepy. Things go awry when her feet turn scaled and claws come out of her toes. I'll skip some details, but she ends up turning into some creepy winged gargoyle type thing. It's horrifying, and it will make you question any one night stand from a bar.

4. Tuesday The 17th 'V/H/S'

I need to add this is the segment with (undoubtedly) the worst acting, but I guess we can forgive that in favor of the ingenious killer in the segment. The killer is known only as The Glitch, and it is damn creepy. He appears as only a glitch on camera with a distinct red hat/scarf/headdress. With exception of the few second death scene in the segment 'Second Honeymoon,' this is most likely the bloodiest in the entire first movie.

3. Phase 1 Clinical Trials 'V/H/S 2'

When I picture the paranormal in real life, I think of hearing a noise in the other room, or seeing a shadowy figure out of the corner of my eye. In this Adam Wingard segment, directed by and staring him, he takes the fear of the occult to a whole new level. He has an eye surgery where he now has a bionic eye. The doctors tell him there may be glitches in his eye at first, since it is experimental. He proceeds to see ghosts in his house, which truly freak him the hell out. One thing leads to another and he uses a straight razor to solve his problems.

2. Slumber Party Alien Abduction 'V/H/S 2'

Probably the most stylized out of all the segments, Jason Eisner's part is quite extraordinary. He blends dark comedy with frightening images seamlessly. The biggest horror in SPAA is the death of a dog *sad face*. Also no one likes to see kids get hurt, and this segment strictly has a young cast, which intensifies the drama.

1. A Ride In The Park 'V/H/S 2'

The only reason I picked 'A Ride In The Park' as the number one segment of both V/H/S films is simple, I love zombies, and (with exception of Scouts Guide) the genre has been dead (pun intended) for quite some time, and this segment restored some faith for me in the zombie genre. A perfect amount of gore, scares, and comedy accompany our protagonist on his morning bike ride. Sanchez and Hale bring to the table what Diary of the Dead tried (and failed) to do.

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