ByBrian Primm, writer at Creators.co
Trying to write things that seem intelligent. Twitter: @brian_primm
Brian Primm

It's the last PPV before the granddaddy of them all, and it's only available on the WWE Network, unless you want to be scolded by JBL and overpay for it. Wrestlemania is almost here, but first we have to take a stop at WWE Fastlane. Really the event should be called WWE Rest Area or something like that. There's some matches booked, some could be good, and there's some that will allow a nice amount of time to catch up with friends and family that you may have in your viewing party. So let's go ahead and break this event down, and see who's more than likely going to win these matches.

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

2 Out of 3 Falls Match for the United States Title: Kalisto (c) vs. Alberto Del Rio

I really have no idea why this is on the kickoff show. Is there really so much going on that we can't fit all the matches on a three hour card? Can't we just have the kickoff show do what it's intended to do, and just catch viewers up to speed on what's going on? If John Cena still held that title, there's no way in hell he'd be banished to the kickoff show. But here we are, Del Rio and Kalisto are having a 2 out of 3 falls match on the kickoff show, and this one could've been the match of the night. Since it's the kickoff match, it will be rushed to a 10 minute match, where the first two falls will be won by some transitional move that would never win the match. Then the actual match will start. It really doesn't matter who wins this. I think we might be stuck in a Twilight Zone episode where these two face each other for years, and then Del Rio wakes up and realizes he's still in the Lucha Underground Temple, and it was all just a bad dream. Kalisto seems to be on the up and up, and Del Rio is still trying to find his footing since returning.

Winner: Kalisto

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho III

Since Del Rio and Kalisto will be limited on their time, I'm going to go ahead and predict this will be the match of the night. Jericho and Styles have had two great matches, one on Raw, and you may have missed the other since it was on Smackdown. WWE wants us to believe that they're fighting for the rights of being phenomenal, but we all know it's to see who the coolest dad in town is. Jericho has been fun lately. He's bordering on that heel turn, and it's really fun to watch. Styles is the new guy in WWE, and Jericho is really great at putting talent over. This is the same guy who lost to Fandango at Wrestlemania. Losing to Styles here should push him over to the dark side, and he should be on his way to an entertaining Wrestlemania feud this year.

Winner: AJ Styles

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

Divas Title Match: Charlotte (c) vs. Brie Bella

This match might be the match that concerns me the most. It seemed we were heading down a road that would lead to Charlotte vs Becky Lynch vs Sasha Banks at Wrestlemania for the title, but this new Brie Bella story has me worried. If you don't happen to know by now, the wrestling savior, Daniel Bryan announced his retirement, and now his wife, Brie is going after that butterfly belt. WWE likes to play the sympathy card, so it's possible that we see Brie lose by a screwy finish, and then we get Daniel Bryan in her corner for a Wrestlemania match. I would love to see Bryan at Mania, but please, not like this. Don't take Sasha Banks winning the title at the biggest stage of them all away from me. I just want to see her win, run that belt over with the Escalade she arrived in at Brooklyn, and finally bring the Women's Title back. Either way, Charlotte is doing wonderful work as a heel, and the progress she's made shouldn't be stopped here.

Winner: Charlotte

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

The Cutting Edge Peep Show w/ The New Day

This isn't a match, it's just going to be a delightful, entertaining, and probably the most fun of the show. Edge and Christian are back to promote their new WWE Network show, and it looks lovely. I'm hoping that somehow The Social Outcasts get involved in this segment. If you haven't been watching Main Event, which I know the answer is probably, "Who watches Main Event?" But you're missing The New Day and The Social Outcasts tearing it up. I think it's only fair that we give them all the big spotlight, and make this moment an instant classic. Bo Dallas interacting with Edge and Christian just smells like money. I Bo-lieve that WWE need to pretty much put him in every segment.

Winner: The WWE Universe

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

Big Show, Ryback, and Kane vs. The Wyatt Family

I can't believe that this is a match, but if I wasn't saying that, then I guess it wouldn't be Fastlane. The Wyatt Family are still saying they're scary monsters, but they can't really win matches when it counts. Last year Bray Wyatt fought The Undertaker to become the new face of fear, but he lost and just called himself that anyways. That's kind of how the Wyatts work. They talk a big game, but then they just lose when it matters. The Wyatts are heading into Wrestlemania to lose their next big feud, so we're in the process of building them up here. There's nothing really to say about the team of Big Show, Kane, and Ryback. They're just kind of there to try and make the Wyatts look like the monsters we know they can be, but they just aren't. They're kind of like the horror movies you always remember being really scary, but when you re-watch them you kind of wonder why you was scared of it in the first place.

Winner: The Wyatt Family

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch (Team BAE) vs. Tamina & Naomi (Team BAD)

I would like to say this is a no brainer. Sasha and Becky aren't on the same page right now, but we know they can work together. They used to do it all the time in NXT, until the title came into play. Hopefully Becky and Sasha win here to ride some momentum into that Wrestlemania match mentioned above. Naomi is stuck in this universe where we all know she's great, but for some reason she's never in the title picture. Tamina is just kind of there, so I have to give the win to the two ladies who seem to have some momentum, and Becky Lynch might be the best female character, and only babyface on the women's roster. Plus, no one is better than The Boss.

Winner: Sasha Banks & Becky Lynch (Team BAE)

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

Intercontinental Title Match: Kevin Owens (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler

Kevin Owens will face the spaghetti haired, Dolph Ziggler once again. We have a man who knows holding the title is more money, and that's more money for his family. Then we have a guy who thinks he's in an '80s metal band, tells jokes on the side, and is trying to steal John Cena's girlfriend. Who's the heel in this match again? Dolph Ziggler won his last match against Owens, so that means he has to lose 34 more until he can win again. Owens is easily the top heel in the company right now, and he should be featured in a high profile match at Wrestlemania. If him retaining somehow leads to Owens vs. Zayne for the title at Wrestlemania, I'm all in.

Winner: Kevin Owens

WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE
WWE PROMOTIONAL IMAGE

Triple Threat Match (Winner Faces Triple H at Wrestlemania for the WWE World Heavyweight Title): Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns vs. Dean Ambrose

I wish I could just type Brock Lesnar wins and this post be over. Unfortunately, WWE has been trying to make Roman looks strong for the past three years. They have been telling the story of Reigns vs The Authority for the past year, and we have to see the conclusion to it. Reigns is destined to fight Triple H at Wrestlemania, win the WWE World Heavyweight Title, be bathed in confetti, and have a chorus of boos singing him out of the building. I miss The Beast, Brock Lesnar. I don't know this Brock Lesnar that WWE has been presenting to us. Last year, Lesnar made Roman look like a wee child. He dominated his opponents, he beat Michael Cole out of his shoe, he took out a camera guy, he destroyed some announce tables, and now he's being tossed out of the Royal Rumble match and quietly going into the back. I would love to see Lesnar win here. I wouldn't even mind seeing Ambrose win here, but I have to say...

Winner: Roman Reigns

Let me know what you think is going to happen at Fastlane in the comments below.

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