Ahh!!....The 80's a time when children had to be a lot more tougher, Because of the Scary-Ass films your Mum used to bring you back from Woolworth's on VHS. These movie's were the total opposite of brightly-colored, pop-culture-referencing Dreamworks flicks or the cuddly Disney flick's today's kid's watch. Theses film's were not afraid to be a bit trippy, contain a lot of darkness, and have giant rock monsters with a taste for transvestism. Oh-Yes my friend's we are going on a back in time. So Let us re-live the most nightmarish and totally Fu***d Up Moment's that the Children Of The Corn...erm I mean...Children Of The 80's, had to live through. So in the words of Shaq O'Neal -"Ya'll Ready For This?!!!"....
8. Who Framed Rodger Rabbit? - "Remember Me Eddie?!!!..When I Killed Your Brother...I TALKED JUST LIKE THIS!!!"
Who could ever forget "Who Framed Rodger Rabbit??" Sadly the only film to date that feature's both Warner Bro's Looney Toon's and Disney Toon's living together as one, which makes this film very special! and also contains the only cartoon character (Jessica) that has the power to make many a penis instantly turn hard the world over...which also makes this film very special...to bloody Perverts!! But It's the terrifying third-act, we are here to talk-about. When the villain Judge Doom is revealed to have been the Toon that killed Eddie Valiant's brother all along. Now I don't know about you guys, But listening to that high-squeaky voice and seeing those red eye's popping out his head was unbearable as a child.....
7. Labyrinth - "Were Helping Hand's"
Im sure I don't need to discuss the film much as it's been overly discussed over the internet recently due to Bowie's sad passing. However how trippy, disturbing and bizarre are those hands?. Can someone please tell me in the name of Sesame Street, What drugs Jim Henson was taking whilst he was making this film??? and if you know because you happen to be friends with Brian Henson or Sarah Connelly. Please tell me because I for one would like to try some....Thanking ya very mucho!!! :)
6. Little Shop Of Horror's - "It's Suppertime"
One of the most amazing Puppet's ever created in my opinion and beats any of the CGI that today's Hollywood like's to shove down our throats....so realistic and creepy. Look's even better on Blu-ray, However when ever Audrey 2 (The Plant) opens it's mouth, I can't help but be reminded of "Blue Waffle".....
5. Return To Oz - "My Ruby Slipper's..They Just Fell Out Of The Sky One Day"
The Return To Oz one of the most beloved flop's of all time (it has a huge following in Japan, still to this day) and features the Nome King and conjures one of the weirdest image's to ever grace my Child-Eye's which was the Nome King sitting on the throne wearing his sparkly, glittery shoes and then you get people going on and on about what Bruce Jenner has done for the Trans community, Well sorry but the Nome "Queen" was 30 years earlier!! Yet he still will would not let the little girl have her slippers back (What A Bitch!!) and there was me thinking "He Was A Friend Of Dorothy's"...pfft!!...we will get back to this film shortly....
4. The Never Ending Story - "We Will Not Harm You"
Scariest and Most Tense moment of this film for me was The Riddle Of The Sphinx's. What weird creatures they were for a kids film, Didnt even wear a Bra!!, Only in the 80's will you get a big pair of knockers in a kid's film!! with massive nipple's the size of two-bedroom house's. Just a shame the Sphinx's didn't shoot the laser's out of there Tit's also. But instead the Exec's at Warners went for the old "Eye" Routine ...Yawn!!!!
3. Secret Of Nimh - "Why Have You Come?"
The Great Owl from The Secret Of Nimh was one of the most forbidding animated character's ever created....and is it just me or doe's his beak look like a Giant Cock??..............................Nah!!...Just Playin!!....MADE YOU LOOK!!!
2. Return To Oz - "Dorooottthhhhyyy Gaaaaallllleeee!!"
One of the most freakiest moment's a child of the 80's will have witnessed was when Dorothy has to open the cabinet that contains Mombi's Original Head (she screws on different head's, she has quite the collection) So she can steal The Powder Of Life...and with it, Dorothy and her new Friends can escape on a Flying Sofa (Crazy Right?). Yet Dorothy knocks over the bottle and Mombies head awakens, screaming "Dorotttthhy Gaaaaaaaallllle"....Ive just shit myself typing that....seriously!!!
1. The Dark Crystal - "You're next, little Podling!"
I bet most of you would of guessed this would be number one. However The Skeksis caused me many a nightmare....so have taken there rightly place at The Number One Spot!!...Thanks for reading my Post....