ByKit Simpson Browne, writer at
Writer-at-large. Bad jokes aplenty. Can be gently prodded on Twitter at @kitsb1
Kit Simpson Browne

Now, depending on how you feel about Batman, the NSA and the modern culture of mass surveillance, Bruce Wayne's tendency to keep exhaustive files on both his friends and his enemies likely comes across as either incredibly sensible, or incredibly creepy. For better or for worse, though, the Dark Knight sure does like writing about his friends - and, on occasion, coming up with detailed plans for how to incapacitate/stealth murder them - and the writers over at DC Comics have long-encouraged that trait in the hero.

Whether paranoid or prudent, then, Batman's files are very much a thing, and as a set of newly re-emerged (they originally appeared in the back pages of the mid-2000s mini-series Justice, written by Jim Krueger) images prove, Batman has a slightly unusual approach to analyzing his friends. Y'see:

Batman's Super-Secret Superhero Files Are Kind Of... Odd

Yup. That kind of odd.
Yup. That kind of odd.

Y'see, they incorporate the kind of notes that regular, not-mildly-unhinged superheroes probably wouldn't think to add - and if they did, would probably be sensible enough to use code for the secret identities of the world's most powerful heroes.

On the plus side, though, Batman clearly had the forethought to hire Alex Ross and Doug Braithwaite to illustrate his extrapolations - which is always the correct decision.

Here, then, are eleven examples of Batman's inability to trust his friends - and his unusual state of mind. First up?

11. Batman Thinks Superman Is TOO Human

Which someone should really tell Lex Luthor.

10. Batman REALLY Doesn't Like Sociologists

Way to make The Atom's entry all about you, Bruce.

9. Batman Is Jealous Of The Flash

Though maybe don't go mentioning his wife's name in the same paragraph as saying it must be guarded at all costs, eh, Bruce?

8. Batman Is A Science Nerd First, Friend Later

Hence Martian Manhunter's entry mostly being about how he's a scientific curiosity...

7. Batman Thinks That Green Lantern Needs To Learn Fear

Which suggests that he would NOT like Daredevil...

6. Batman Is Kind Of An Asshole About Zatanna

Way to undermine one of the DC universe's most powerful magic users, Bruce.

5. Batman Only Sees Black Canary In The Context Of Her Relationships

Whereas Green Arrow is a self-made man defined largely by his own actions. Not cool, Bruce. Not cool.

4. Batman Clearly Thinks That Captain Marvel Is Ridiculous

In which, in fairness, he has a pretty solid point.

3. Batman Thinks Hawkman Is Naive... But Noble

There's clearly some bird-themed respect there.

2. Batman Is Totally Into Wonder Woman/Superman Shipping

Which kind of makes you wonder which forums 'OrphanBat' usually frequents.

And, finally...

1. Batman Is Clearly Planning To Kill Aquaman's Family

You had to make it weird, didn't you Bruce?

Honestly, what would Alfred think...

What do you think, though?


Is Batman paranoid... or prudent?

via Imgur


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