Never was a story of more woe than this of Jimmy Kimmel and his Matt Damon-o.
From his humble beginnings in 2003 to being one of the current kings of late-night television, Jimmy Kimmel has kept one thing constant over the last decade: his faux-feud with Matt Damon.
Beginning in the third season of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Kimmel began ending his shows with, "apologies to Matt Damon, we ran out of time," embarking on a decade-long running gag at the expense of Damon who, at the time, was as confused and amused by the reference as the audience.
In an interview with Parade, Damon said that Kimmel had met him backstage at a prime-time show to explain why he had become his running gag:
[Kimmel] was like, 'You want to know what happened? I was doing a particularly lame show; I think my guests were a ventriloquist and a guy in a monkey suit. We were wrapping it up, and there was a smattering of applause in the audience. I was having kind of a low moment, and I just said, "My apologies to Matt Damon; we ran out of time". My producer was right off camera and he doubled over laughing ... Nobody else got the joke. But it made us laugh, so we started doing it every night. I have no idea why I said you; it could have been anybody'."
And so began one of the longest, and best, celebrity running gags in existence. Sticking to the act, both men have managed to pull along various celebrity friends for the ride and have done a pretty great job at managing to keep straight faces throughout. Once he was clued in, Damon finally got to appear on the show in 2006 but had his interview cut short as Kimmel announced that time had run out, leading Damon to go into an expletive-filled (scripted) rant which you can catch in the second half of the above video.
Kimmel sends his sidekick, Guillermo Rodriguez, to the premiere of Ocean's Thirteen, where he calls out to "Matt Damian" and then promptly turns his back on him, saying they've run out of time and to "come back for Ocean's Fourteen please."
Kimmel has Guillermo replace Damon in The Bourne Ultimatum, so Damon retaliates by collaborating with a person close to Kimmel's heart - his then-girlfriend Sarah Silverman. Together they create the viral hit, I'm Fucking Matt Damon.
Not to be outdone, Kimmel says that "if you take something I love from me, you can damn well bet I'm gonna take something that you love from you," and hits back a month later with his own video, I'm Fucking Ben Affleck, enlisting the help of celebrities like Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Cameron Diaz, Robin Williams, and Harrison Ford.
After Damon overthrows Kimmel as the President of the 'Handsome Men's Club' in 2010, and Kimmel gets revenge by casting Damon as a bunch of grapes in a deleted scene of his 2012 parody trailer Movie: The Movie, Damon holds Kimmel hostage, telling him that he "ran out of time for you", and goes on to host Jimmy Kimmel Live! featuring a huge array of guests, all of whom express their dislike of Kimmel.
Except, of course, Ben Affleck, who takes over the prompter to express his love for Kimmel as Damon shouts, "he doesn't even love you like I love you!"
Damon continues the wave of humiliation, revealing to the audience why Kimmel hates Damon: Kimmel loses every film role he auditions for to him.
Rubbing more salt in the wound, he brings out Kimmel's ex-girlfriend, Sarah Silverman, to further insult Kimmel as she likens him to a hotdog from a street vendor.
Damon is finally a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, but only as a part of the cast of The Monuments Men and is given a wooden stool to sit on. Just as he is finally given a chance to answer a question, "circumstances beyond [the show's] control" interrupt.
Damon takes part in 'The Kimmel School of Perfect Acting', but is only given roles as chairs and lamps, which is a step up from his green-screen shrimp-eating role in Kimmel's Movie: The Movie: 2V.
Kimmel ridicules Damon's role in The Martian, and it's revealed that Kimmel and Damon attend couples therapy after Damon crashes the show, pretending to be Doctor Phil, Kimmel resolves to try and get Damon on the show while Damon commits to waiting another 12 years to appear on the show.
Damon interrupts Kimmel's monologue about NASA's Mars discovery, and Kimmel tries to be charitable by giving "functional idiot" Damon a chance to promote his work with Omaze RED, but changes his mind and sabotages Damon's various attempts to disrupt his show.
Kimmel wonders "how much longer are we gonna go on with this?" as he acknowledges Damon's Oscar nomination. A month later, he is betrayed by his ally Ben Affleck, who sneaks Damon onto the show by hiding him under his clothes. Kimmel has Damon evicted by Guillermo.
Affleck breaks the news to Kimmel that his role in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice was cut, and Kimmel and Damon's future is revealed.
As of February 29 2016, Matt Damon remains Jimmy Kimmel's unwanted guest. But while the latter remains stuck in his Damon-hating ways, it appears the former, who admitted in couples therapy to liking the show, has a soft spot for Kimmel (skip ahead to the three minute mark).
So there you have it - the greatest fake celebrity feud to currently exist. Grab your popcorn because this war shows no signs of stopping any time soon.