I know, I know. You're thirsty for Batman v Superman. You want to see it right now — but you can't. And while you're praying yourself into next week, some other lucky you-know-whats in the darkest corners of the Internet are claiming to have seen it already, and throwing spoilers around like hundred-dollar bills at a Mark Zuckerberg pool party.
Do you really want to put yourself through the ordeal of reading a potentially enormous spoiler?
If the answer is "maybe" or "no," heed the spoiler warning below, stop reading, exit the tab, go make a smoothie or pour some syrup on a waffle. Do anything you like, just don't read on.
Now that we've got that out the way, let's get down to business.
According to a Redditer named deadpool_duh who claims to have seen the film, the film's big climax finds Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman united and facing off with Doomsday. This we knew already.
It's the detail that's new: allegedly, Doomsday is created "through Kryptonian blood and tissue from General Zod's body," and it's his radiation blast that causes Lex Luthor to lose his hair right at the end of the movie.
When our trio come together to defeat Doomsday, "there is a fantastic continuous tracking shot where we see Wonder Woman blasting through Doomsday, pushing him onto Superman, who laser-visions him into a Batman grenade."
Obviously you will want to take all of this with industrial quantities of salt.
Deadpool_duh goes on to rave about the soundtrack, describing how "each hero has a fantastic instrument that accompanies their part in the [Doomsday] fight": an electric guitar for Wonder Woman, drums for Batman, and horns for Supes.
Oh, and one small detail that might just have you salivating: allegedly, Doomsday suffers death by decapitation at the sword of Wonder Woman. How's that for a badass debut in the DCEU?
The Redditer goes on to claim that there are only a couple of passing references made to the Joker, but a conversation between Bruce and Alfred hints that the movie takes place in the aftermath of the 'A Death in the Family' story arc.
The Aquaman and Flash cameos are apparently brief, with Aquaman seen only underwater and not mentioned again thereafter, and there is no mid- or post-credits scene.
You can read the Reddit post in full right here.
I read these spoilers expecting to feel the film might be "ruined" for me, but if anything it's just sent my hype to even further stratospheric heights. Of course, if you're looking for stone cold truth on Reddit, you've fundamentally misunderstood how the Internet works, so this could all be wildly wrong. We'll know within a week.
[Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice](tag:711870) hits on March 25th, with or without some badass supervillain decapitation. Check out the mouthwatering Korean promo above for our best taste yet of the big fight.