Now if you're like me you're the baby of your siblings. Now if you have an older sister or sisters you will know where I am coming from. There's nobody on this planet that will give you more hell then them. Not only is my sister Dana Abeln is one of the biggest trolls, but she also works for Moviepilot.com and was the one who got me into writing here in the first place. So she's really not that bad, but I am going to share with you all some of the really troll things she has done in the past. (Also this entire post is intended to be humorous)
1. Hide 'n Seek To get Rid Of Me
We all know that hide 'n seek is one of the best games for kids to play, but it wasn't for me. I always wanted to play with my brother and sister, but apparently I was annoying to them. So their ingenious idea was to play "hide 'n seek." Except they left out the fact that after they counted to "100" they wouldn't even look for me. In fact they didn't even count to 10! They would immediately leave to go do other things like watch TV, or go outside on the swing set while I was hiding in the most amazing spots for like 20 minutes! It all stemmed from Dana's troll DNA for sure.
2. Blamed Everything On Me
Yes, this right here was a huge one that most little brothers would truly understand. Not only would Dana get in trouble all the time for say, feeding the dog her food under the table. She would blame it on me and say I was feeding the dog MY food!! Like WHAT?! They would put more lemon fish on my plate while hers was guzzled down piece by piece by an American Cocker Spaniel. Not fair in least bit my friends because that crap was nasty!
3. Forced Me To Dress Like A Girl
Not once, not twice, but a numerous amount of times my sister would make me her "experimental sister." She would make me put on girly clothing and make me either princess like, or just turn me into a contorted, gender confused Barbie. Now I cant remember exactly how long I would stuck like this, but I do remember playing with Barbies while being dressed as a one as well. Which when I think back to those events is very, very, very strange. Don't judge!
4. Coercing Me Into Peeing In My face
Here's a real kicker here for you all. When I was a kid I was fearless! I still am pretty fearless, but not as much as before. I was so brave that one time on the swing set in the backyard I made a terrible bet with Dana. It was a beautiful Spring day with the sun shining, and the crickets chirping and Dana decides the best course of action for the day is to bet me something. The bet was that if I turned away from her and peed on my face she would give me twenty dollars. TWENTY DOLLARS! Yeah, when I was a young lad that was a ton of money! So, naturally I said "Hell yeah!" Little to say I didn't expect any Spring showers that day, but dammit I wanted that money. Then it happened, and it was the worst decision that I have ever made. The moral of that story is don't trust your sister to give you money for crazy bets because the only thing I got that day was questionable stares from my parents, and a complete fear of my evil sister.
5. Cherry Planet
The reason I put this last was because this is that one prank that you can never forgive. I had a serious obsession with cherries when I was younger. The really fake ones you get at Sonic, or Mexican restaurants on your fried ice-cream. I loved them so much that I would order bowls of cherries for appetizers at restaurants! (Yes I was a strange child) So now the part where my sister comes in. She got me to believe that there was a planet out in space that was just a giant cherry, and that if I could get there I could eat it all.
So as elaborate(troll) as my sister was she decided she would help me make a "rocket ship" made out of high grade cardboard and reinforced scotch tape. This "rocket ship" was a thing out of the movies I swear to god, and I actually thought by the time we were done I was going to go out to that planet. So everything is in motion now, and I am in my space craft preparing for lift off. She starts to shake the box like mad, and is using a playback of a rocket ship lifting off for sound. Then she gets a string and attaches a picture of a cherry on it and slowly lowers it closer and closer to my ships windows. At this point I am freaking out because of the excitement! I am literally about to eat an entire planet. Who the hell gets to say that in their life. So right then and there she decides to strike. She tackles my ship as if a giant meteor (yes that was a fat reference if you're reading this sis haha..Savage) had knocked my ship back down to Earth. I get up and look around and realize I am still on my home planet and my sister is rolling on the floor laughing her ass off. I then decided the best action to take was to start crying like crazy because I realized this entire thing was a joke. The moral of this story is don't have dreams and aspirations because your sister will make you crash your ship right before you even get there.
My sister made my life hell when I was younger, but that gives me stories to tell and laugh at now. As troll as my sister is, she also is a wonderful lady and every single one of you who read this should cherish the good, and the bad times you have together with you family. I only have one family and only one Dana and I am proud to say I hate her and love her all the same! Really though she's the best sister you could ask for......now that is.