ByJames Wood, writer at Creators.co
Unabashed Transformers fan. Man crush on Tom Hardy. Avid fan of Tommy Wiseau's cult disasterpiece The Room.
James Wood

There was once a time where going to the cinema was a joyous occasion. Sometimes my parents would treat me and my brother to a trip to see the next big film, or I'd go with my friends to enjoy a day away from my parents and my brother to see a film. The prices were fine, the seating choice was plentiful, the screens enormous and the audience atmosphere really made the experience of watching action films to comedies all that more entertaining.

I'm not an angry person, I think I'm quite calm, the only time I get angry is when I stub my toe by walking into things, or when people in general don't chip in and do their part, say a lazy flatmate? However, if I had to think of things that do make me angry, the first thing that comes to mind is the cinema. Something I thought I'd never say or write down. Warning: Bad language ensues.

Cinema has become a chore, a test of endurance, patience and tolerance of the human race. Yes that's sounds very melodramatic but jesus christ people can be awful when sat in their screenings, but they're not just the ones to blame. It's a conglomeration of bad choices from the audience and the cinema, as well as advertising and how all this shit turns people like me into infuriated cinemagoers who will eventually one day snap, or have already snapped.

We've all been those irritated onlookers.
We've all been those irritated onlookers.

Why am I starting to hate going to the cinema? Well, where do I start? Remember when the majority of cinemas starting introducing the booking system? At first I hated the idea, it was always hard to find rows with enough to fit you and your company in as to avoid splitting and sitting apart, you'd have to book in advance and turn up early, which can be boiled down to common sense and preparation, and nowadays I'm fine with the booking systems. It's when other people don't realise if you've booked a certain seat number and row, you sitting in that bleeding chair and not someone else's.

During the opening sequence of The Hobbit: The Battle of The Five Armies, Smaug unleashes his fire power upon Laketown, it's a thrilling opening and not to be missed as every shot is filled with stunning CGI and action. Well, I missed quite a lot because of a fucking thick couple who wouldn't budge when a family had bought those seats. They stood up right in front of me, blocking the screen, and had a little disagreement before finally sodding off. Shit like this continues to happen and it's so flaming simple to resolve with no confrontation or attitude, but no, people take it to heart and get all sulky about it. JUST MOVE AND GO TO YOUR PURCHASED SEAT.

Be more like this couple. Be civilised and normal.
Be more like this couple. Be civilised and normal.

Ticket prices have obviously gone up over the years, more and more. Taking your family out for a film can cost well over £30, depending on family size and if you're seeing 3D. And that comes to my next gripe, you're paying all this money to escape to the magic of cinema, to coin that old phrase, that magic is starting to fade significantly. That magic is being dampened down by all the awful adverts that repeat themselves at least 3 or 4 times during the screenings. For the past year and a bit, the adverts have lasted over 35 minutes. That is not an exaggeration, I timed it once and the worst instance was waiting for Deadpool, that wait for the film was 38 minutes. Whilst watching trailers is great fun, in-between each trailer there are more adverts.

Exactly what all these adverts make me do
Exactly what all these adverts make me do

I understand advertising means the brands and the cinema help one another, but to sit through ads seen on TV, subjected to that god awful Go Compare man and an endless onslaught of cars ads is not what I go to the cinema for. 5 or 6 adverts is acceptable. However, common sense comes into this again. If you pre-book seats, which means you are guaranteed that seat, you can skip all the adverts and just turn up and miss all those torturous adverts. But once again, coming in late is yet another pain in the ass that ruins the cinema. If you're going to come in late where the film has already started, fine as long as one is quiet and makes the effort not to spoil those who have been there since the start. But if you come storming in, phone on, rustling your shit all about and still having a conversation, you can choke on that popcorn of yours.

There also seems to be a pattern occurring and it is very frustrating. I remember my first ever cinema trip, I remember when the film classification certificate appears that the projector focused on the blurry text and sharpened the image, ready for the projector to start rolling the proper film, watching the screen widen in readiness. This has always been the way of the cinema, film after film, the relief of seeing the certificate appear meant no more adverts, the show was about to begin.

Where it all begins!
Where it all begins!

The aforementioned pattern I mentioned above, especially in the past year or two, is that the cinema screen does not widen. I hate to remember this detail but I can recall all the films I've seen where the screen stays the same size as it was for the ads. Worst of all, the projectionist or whoever controls the little booth up there, fail to sharpen the image, leaving the image blurred for a good while. For example, I saw Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice yesterday, my review is up and I had a blast watching it! Except for the first half an hour, at least, the image was rather blurred, thankfully the image sharpened but this is a reoccurring problem and it's a pain to pay all that money for a blurry image on a screen that should increase in size.

This screening wasn't as sharp as the Bat symbol
This screening wasn't as sharp as the Bat symbol

Here's the thing, you may have heard all these problems mentioned many times before. I'm just another one of those annoyed cinemagoers, but I feel I have to write about this experience, to let people know the issues, and that cinema is starting to get less and less enjoyable. The real problem hasn't even been mentioned yet, no. The real thing that is ruining cinema for me is the bloody general public. I love a good moan, a good rant, a release of annoyance, especially in writing, if you're picturing me type at a crazy fast pace then you've got it right, cause this is me venting all my problems with people who go to the cinema and mess it up.

The absolute worst experience of people in the cinema was during Taken 3. Whilst I disliked the film a lot, I still wanted to watch all of it to see if it got any better. Me and four friends were all simultaneously unimpressed. I was especially unimpressed with the fucking annoying, obnoxious, loud and chatty teenage girls who throughout the entire movie were on their phones, giggling, gossiping and kicking the backs of our chairs. I tried to remain calm and unbothered for a good hour, up until a dialogue scene and they got even louder. I did one thing I thought I'd never have to do, which was get up and talk to them.

Bad film, worse cinemagoers.
Bad film, worse cinemagoers.

There were at least seven of these chav types girls, all of them with bad attitudes who had paid at least £8 to not watch the film. I said to them "Look, I know you're all young and having a laugh but we're trying to watch the film, could you please be quiet till the ending, thank you". I sat back down as they chuckled at me. Ten minutes go by, quiet. Then, they start again. I did something regrettable in language but it felt so right, as couples around the cinema were getting even more annoyed at them. I got up and raised my voice, telling them to "Shut the fuck up and be quiet or I swear to God I will throw the rest of my drink in your trashy mouths". It sounds ridiculous but it was said, they gave me a bit of mouth back, mostly along the lines of "What you gon' do blud?". Well, speak English for starters.

Asshats and chavs and inconsiderate bastards like these are found in all screenings, all the time. They talk and talk more, yet it seems no one wants to confront these types of people who are louder than the film. I'm glad I did but it did it get me anywhere? Not really, it just made me feel good inside for shouting but they still went on and on, I hope they all got hit by a bus upon leaving the cinema. It's also those who consistently rustle their bags of popcorn and crisps as loud as they can. I understand people want to enjoy snacks throughout the film, but during Dawn of Justice I was surrounded by the loudest bunch of rustlers ever, and even my mate tutted, and he's a quiet lad.

Those card popcorn tubs are quieter than plastic!
Those card popcorn tubs are quieter than plastic!

Don't even get me started with the whole mobile phone business that continues to plague cinemas? If I see another phone light glare in my face there's no telling what I'll do, snap at that person like I did with those chavs? Maybe, but people don't learn.

All this shit: Phones, seating issues, rustling bags, chatty tossers, adverts, bad projectionists, loud latecomers, you name it, the last time I had a decent time in the cinema was San Andreas back in 2015, the whole cinema was empty and there were no distractions or none of the above problems. It's a shame cause I miss having a big audience who are just there to enjoy the film and not kick up a fuss or ruin it for others, nowadays I try to avoid busy screenings, especially during horror films where the atmosphere and scares are ruined by phones and people who will not shut their traps.

Phew, my rant is over, just. Have you had some awful cinema experiences? Do you still enjoy going to the cinema or do you feel it's heading in the wrong direction.

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