This article, being number 201 for me, looks like it's going to be the last of my “WTFs in the Comics” series — I've run out of superheroes! At least, those that I know a tiny bit about. I know nothing about Doctor Strangeor the Fantastic Four — I might be able to find some good stuff on them, but with their latest movie, I just figured I'd leave them alone.
I've covered Spider-Man, Superman, Batman, Iron Man, Archie, Wonder Woman, and even one about Deadpool. There was Thor, Hulk, Aquaman, Wolverine, Captain America, TMNT, Joker (he's not a hero, but he's the Joker, dammit!), X-Men, Punisher, and The Flash!
So let's end this run with the Green Lantern!
I'll start by getting this off my chest:
I LOVED RYAN REYNOLDS AS THE GREEN LANTERN.
There, I got it out. That should scare away everyone that isn't dead serious about getting serious about reading some strange-ass moments from the Green Lantern Comics.
Let's get on with it!
In brightest day, in blackest night, no weird sh#t shall escape my sight.
Let those who love strange comic stories, beware my power, Creators glories!
Or something like that.
A Green Lantern — Squirrel?
It sounded like I got distracted there. Hey, I'm just writing this article h-SQUIRREL! But no, there really was a squirrel-like Green Lantern. A native of H'Iven, Ch'p was his name, and defending his world from an invasion of Doctor Ub'x Crabs was his game. He was caught and was going to be put to death but the GL Corp recruited him. Then a truck hits and kills him. Then he was brought back from the dead on Oa and became a Black Lantern. Then — oh holy hell, that's all I can write about this guy!
Oh, and apparently, the squirrel was suicidal too.
Hal Jordan, the envelope of death
Yep, this GL actually once turned himself into an envelope:
And beat up some bad guys that he was mailed to:
That's almost as awesome as when Superman started shooting tiny versions of himself out of his hands!
Carol is Star Sapphire but Hal doesn't know it and she wants to lose to him in battle
Yep, that pretty much sums up this entry. It's terrible! No — maybe it's wonderful?
What would one of these lists be without some blatant racism?
Not only does the GL call his best bud and sidekick Thomas Kalmaku “Pieface” (Eskimo Pie? Sigh...) but he gets chided for not helping out blacks. Purples, oranges, and blues? Sure! But blacks? Nooo.
Racism? Check. Unnecessary homosexual innuendos? Check that, too!
Sinestro pretends (or does he?) to be gay and hits on the gay Extrano, who later gets HIV from an “AIDS vampire” named Hemo-Goblin. It turns out Sinestro is probably just bisexual and will sleep with just about anyone to win — things.
And isn't the current Green Lantern, Alan Scott, gay? Oh myyyy, how far we've come!
GL Kyle Rayner's GF gets killed and stuffed in a fridge
Not only was this pretty damn gruesome, it coined a new phrase: "Women in Refrigerators." Alex's death was fairly pointless and served no purpose other than to make the male villain look worse and the male hero more mad.
There you have it! Weird crap, political crap, and some weird political crap — Green Lantern had it all!