ByThe Brian Hogan, writer at Creators.co
Writer, Artist, Poet, Critic & Pizza Snob TheBrianHogan.com I'm a lover of life--blurbs are hard! Just know I love pizza. Thank you
The Brian Hogan

BuzzedReviews.com - Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice

SCORE: Damn Good Buzz!

I woke up today, the Sunday morning of opening weekend, and it felt like a holiday. No, not because it was Easter, who had time for Easter when the real gods of our culture, Superman and Batman were about to share the silver screen together for the first time in history. And to duke it out in a grudge match, no less. Add to that the revelation that Amazonian Goddess Wonder Woman was going to be joining the big boys for act III, and I don’t care if Jesus second coming actually was today; nothing was going to stop me from getting to that movie theatre. It’s Super Bowl Sunday for us comic book geeks, and come hell or high water, I was ready to watch the big game.

As required by the strict code at BuzzedReviews.com I began hitting my Shatter Tank on my way to pick up my buddy Alec for the event. I arrived toasty and he was rolling a joint for us as well. He’s not a comic book geek so he wanted to be really stoned to enjoy this. Perfect, I thought; what better way to enjoy Superman than super-baked. We grabbed the third member of our trio, Jason, also not a comic book geek, but always game for a good time; and we were off. On the way there I took a pole as to which part of the movie we were all excited for most: Batman, Superman, or Wonder Woman. Alec said he didn’t realize Wonder Woman was in this and when I told him it was Gal Gadot from the Fast & Furious Franchise he said “in that case, I’m definitely most looking forward to Wonder Woman.” Jason chimes in “Wonder Woman, yeah, definitely.” I agreed too, but for different reasons. I grew up wanting to be Wonder Woman, these two mucks grew up wanting to fuck Wonder Woman. But with that tenuous common ground established, we proceeded to get very very stoned as I became very very stoked. We cruised our way to the luxury cinemas, called the Cinepolis, the only way I’ll do movies anymore. I took as many rips off my two Shatter Tanks as I could muster in the distance from our parking spot to the theatre doors, grinning wildly with excitement at the attendant, and found my way to my seat. The lights dimmed, the movie began, and history was made.

Easter, not withstanding, there was a resurrection today: the DC Comics Film universe came back to life in a big way. The film, while I know it has been panned by critics who want to over-intellectualize everything and shake their fists at God pleading “but there were plot holes, there are unanswered questions,”; the fact remains, this movie was a rockin’ good time that has made an obscene amount of money. And to those critics I say: there were setting up the sequel moron. And quite frankly, I’m glad there are going to be sequels. This movie, while it leaned long, didn’t feel long. It was a cotton candy popcorn geek-out fest for all comic lovers and action movie fans. Super hero movies are hard to get right, they can either be boring (see Nolan’s Dark Knight Trilogy and Man of Steel) or they can be over the top and irrelevant (see Superman Returns and Batman & Robin). This was neither. It was compelling to the end, even had twists I didn’t see coming, and managed to pack itself with cameos while staying mostly focused on the events at hand. You may think differently about this film, but I’d suggest you come down off your high horse, and get high on some dank bud; then you’ll see what I mean. Then you’ll understand that this movie is great. So what if Jason fell asleep twice and snored loudly. That’s probably just because of how stoned he was.

Finally, as the decadent cherry on top of this gloriously sweet sundae, they drop Wonder Woman on us, in full mythic costume, with the timing of a skilled sniper who takes the thrill-shot right when we need it most. When she shows up saving Batman’s life and getting the first good licks at the monster Doomsday I actually let out an audible chortle in the theatre. Nobody looked though, the badass amazon had captured everyone’s attention. Both heroes turn and ask the other if she’s with him. Hell no, baby, she’s with us. And we will definitely be with her for her solo movie next summer. In a nutshell, the movie is awesome, and Wonder Woman steals the show. If this review has you thinking I drank the DC Comics and Warner Brothers Kool-aid, you might be right; but that’s only because this movie is cool as shit. And honestly I don’t even like Ben Affleck.

Maybe I’m simply stoned; but this turned out to be a pretty glorious afternoon at the movies.

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