ByIdiotbox Watcher, writer at
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Idiotbox Watcher

FTWD was a major bummer last season. Given the pedigree of the creators, you would have thought that this kinda prequel showing the start of the zombie apocalypse would at least be watchable. Eh, not so much. If all the crazy sh*t that was depicted in the first season actually happened to a normal person I would think you would get SOME kind of reaction - shock, horror, fear. But these characters all had flat, dull, boring reactions like they were looking at a yule log on Christmas Eve.

It played like an after-school special with a clueless, absent father, a bitchy mother, and teens who act out in stupid ways. I've never seen a show where ALL the leads were so patently unlikable. In general you want to root for the cast, want them to find a way to survive and grow as characters. I watched all 6 eps of the 1st season and I can honestly say I wanted ALL of the core family group to get eaten by the walkers in the most horrific way possible- they were THAT bad. The only characters remotely interesting were Salazar (Ruben Blades) and Strand (Colman Domingo).

So at the beginning of this season we find the cast taking a raft out to Strand's fancy yacht in the hopes of escaping the zombie horde. They make it, and now we are subjected to 50 minutes of the teens being brats and the adult parents standing around looking constipated - lovely.

They come across a couple of boats with survivors begging to board. Strand, the only clear thinking adult, wisely refuses. And guess what? The family bitches and sulks!

Alicia finds a radio and trolls for survivors. She finds a guy named 'Jack' who claims that his boat is sinking and he and his crew need help desperately. She, of course, gives up their location and other important stuff. When Strand hears of this he's livid, telling the dim bulbs that this is dog-eat-dog time and not to give up ANY intel to ANYONE. Does Alicia listen? What do you think? She tells 'Jack' almost their EXACT location, to which he replies, 'I'll see you soon.' Kinda weird response for someone who's boat is sinking, huh? Hmmmm.

Now the yacht comes across a capsized boat on fire with zombies all in the water. So, if you have a single brain cell, what's the last thing you would do? Jump in the water, right? WRONG. Two idiot teens jump in the water - why, you ask? Well, the first one says he 'wants to go swimming.' WTF! And Nick (who is STILL wearing old man clothes from season 1 - don't get me started on that kid) goes in to rescue him. Not content with that, dumbass Dad dives in too! Hey, let's all go in - never mind the zombies, the water's fine!

The end of the ep has Strand looking at the radar and telling the crew that a big boat is headed their way at breakneck speed - I'm guessing they are pirates who know exactly where Strand's yacht is because of that Mensa member Alicia. Good times!

I don't know how much longer I can take the horrible casting, wooden performances, and idiotic pacing and plotting from this loser. So if you want to see a really great zombie on water scene, don't waste your time on FTWD, just watch this from the epic 'Zombi' from 1979 where we get to see a zombie fight a frikkin' SHARK! Enjoy!


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