ByThe Brian Hogan, writer at
Writer, Artist, Poet, Critic & Pizza Snob I'm a lover of life--blurbs are hard! Just know I love pizza. Thank you
The Brian Hogan - The Equalizer

SCORE: Total Buzz Kill

I actually went to see this movie on Friday morning of opening weekend, but it was so supremely disappointing that I went into a thick depression this weekend and was only able to finish writing about it now. The naked unwanted truth that everybody seems happy to ignore is that Denzel Washington is way too old to be making action movies. Even higher than an eagle in the clouds on some dank Lemon Skunk (per my oath to I found myself wondering why Denzel was playing an action hero and not a grandfather. Every action scene was cut up with slow motion shots of Washington walking away from explosions he’s just caused or cocking his guns; or a shot of his boots or his eyeball or whatever. What we learn from this is that fancy editing and slow motion can’t hide the age of an actor who probably creaks when he walks louder than a rusty gate swinging in a stormy wind. That might explain the teenager-listening-to-music-way-too-loud volume of the soundtrack, an editing work-around to drown out Denzel’s creaking bones. Or perhaps this was just a bad script with a bad cast. The two bright spots were Alina and the Security Guard, both supporting characters who instead of bringing more depth to our hero Washington, stole away scene after scene from this legendary star. I’m not one to tell people what they should and should’t do usually but in this case I’m going to speak up: Washington should gracefully transition from his bi-gone action hero days into playing something more suitable, like perhaps an Ex-spy, who doesn’t go blow shit up or take out terrorists in his, from what it felt like, 70’s. This flick read like it was Die Hard 10 and they replaced an aging Bruce Willis with an ancient Denzel Washington. Let’s hang up our action hero capes boys, there’s got to be something better out there for you to do.

Maybe I’m just stoned but this turned out to be a pretty depressing afternoon at the movies. Tell me what you think in the comments below.

MY SCORE: 1 out of 5 buds. Just not good, supremely not a good movie at all in anyway whatsoever. Yeah, I said that. Buzz Kill!


What score would you give it on the Buzzed Meter?


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