ByHubert Kiel, writer at Creators.co

Nearly three weeks has passed since “[Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice](tag:711870)” was released. And, I’m still more confused now than ever.

I’ve Googled other reviews. I’ve re-watched clips on YouTube. I’ve frantically texted friends that have seen the movie. I’ve trolled the comment sections online looking for answers. Literally any answer will do at this point.

After all my effort, I’m still befuddled. Like with any other superhero movie, I’m sure there were questions left deliberately unanswered—threads that will be followed in future films. And, yet, I still have that bad taste in my mouth, like I’ve eaten something not fully cooked. In this case, it’s a “half-baked” movie that’s upsetting my stomach, full on inconsistencies, omissions, and unexplained details. Assuming that you've seen the movie by this point and don’t need to avoid “spoilers,” I need your help with answers… and maybe some Pepto-Bismol.

Below are the questions I have, ranging from major to comically bad to downright insignificant but still annoying.

No "." in title is only the beginning of problems.
No "." in title is only the beginning of problems.

Why isn’t there a period after the “v” in the movie’s title? Maybe it’s just the Grammar Nazi in me, but I feel like this just set the entire tone for the film. Before the credits even finished, there was already something missing.

Why did we need to see Bruce Wayne’s parents die again? I just don’t believe that there is anyone out there that doesn’t know Batman’s origin at this point. Along with all the other “trippy” flashbacks, this one seemed out of place to me. This story wasn’t about his motivation to become a hero to avenge his parents. It was about him stopping a meta-human from another planet who he was terrified of.

Shouldn’t Batman and Lex Luthor be working together? Until the end, they both seem to have the same goal: Rid the world of “gods” whose power seems to threaten humanity. Seems like a match made in vigilante heaven.

How does Lex Luthor know all the superheroes’ identities? Traditionally, Lex Luthor has been depicted as the world’s smartest man. In this movie, he often seems one industrial-sized accident away from becoming the next Joker. How was he able to get all of the intel and find the time to be bat-crap crazy?

Lex Luthor knows all about meta-humans. But how?
Lex Luthor knows all about meta-humans. But how?

Why did Wonder Woman want that picture so bad? Assuming Lex Luthor already knew her identity anyway, why was the picture so important? It looks like it's from 1918, so what’s the big deal? Why did Batman even decide to send that email when he was supposedly gearing up for battle? Didn’t he have more pressing stuff to do, like planning a strategy to defeat Superman? And, how did he get her email address? My guess: He must have got it off her Facebook page. (Wonder Woman really should be a lot more careful about what she posts online; there are a lot of crazies out there.)

Why did Lex Luthor want access to General Zod’s body when it was obvious that he already had it? While we figure out later what Lex Luthor wants, there is a scene in the beginning where he shows the Senator a test. In the clip, he cuts Zod’s body with a kryptonite “scalpel” to prove that it works in stopping these “gods.” Why didn’t he just cut off Zod’s finger prints then? It’s not like anyone would’ve noticed. Then, why was he given access before he even delivered on what he promised to do? The agreement was to weaponize the kryptonite in exchange for access to the Krypton ship and body. Luthor got what he wanted… before the supply even crossed the ocean.

What is Mercy’s purpose in the movie? She appeared at least four times without saying a word. She seems to be a confidant and a valued assistant to Lex Luthor. Then, when it’s time to blow up Capitol Hill, he runs and leaves her to just sit there and die. Their relationship is the definition of “it’s complicated.”

Understanding kryptonite makes my head hurt.
Understanding kryptonite makes my head hurt.

How come the kryptonite didn’t always affect Superman the same? This is probably the most frustrating question I have. It prevented me from ever enjoying the fight scenes. Let me explain: When Batman first shoots Superman with the aerosol kryptonite, Superman is heavily affected. In the middle of Batman literally punching his face in, Superman regains his strength. As he escapes and charges towards Batman though, he only seems to be flying at “half” speed, allowing Batman to shoot off the second “bug bomb.” Isn’t he supposed to be faster than a speeding bullet? But, the second shot wears off quicker than the first, and after being saved by Lois Lane, Superman flies (full speed) through the roof. Later, when Superman tries to pull the kryptonite spear out of the pond/lake/puddle, he needs Lois Lane's help because he’s too weak to hold it. Then, in his selfless act to try to destroy Doomsday with this same spear, Superman is able to hold it long enough to both fly fast and muster a tremendous amount of strength to impale Doomsday. WTF?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!

How come Batman listens to the vision at first, but then decide to ignore it so soon? Was it even a vision or was it just a nightmare? Either way, Batman has not yet learned that there is even a Flash. So, why does Batman decide to follow this premonition where, to him, there isn’t yet any proof that it’s actually real? In the scene, he is warned that Superman is a threat. Batman is called to action… only to change his mind 30 minutes later. Batman thinks Superman is bad. Batman’s vision says Superman is bad. Batman’s decision: Become friends and set up a playdate. If he ignores this part of the vision, then why does he still feel strongly he needs to find the other meta-humans? If one part of the vision is wrong, isn’t it all wrong?

Don't worry: Bat's hate for Supe doesn't last long.
Don't worry: Bat's hate for Supe doesn't last long.

What has caused Batman and Superman to both abandon their beliefs in the nightmare scene? Because of the way his parents are brutally murdered, Batman never uses guns. Superman has always maintained that he won’t kill anyone. Fast forward to the nightmare scene, and we see both doing the exact opposite. So much for morals.

Why was Batman dressed like Hellboy in the post-apocalyptic nightmare scene? His billion-dollar bat suit can stop knives and bullets, but it can’t handle a few grains of sand blowing in the wind?

How do Batman and Superman become “friends” so fast? In this way, Batman is a jealous, teenage girl: I’m mad at you, going to bad-mouth you behind your back, fight you, but, once I get to know you, I realize you aren’t a bad person after all. This all happens in the span of about five minutes. Not only does Batman go from hating and fearing Superman, but he tells Martha Kent that he is one of her son's “friends.” He’s even so emotionally attached to Superman now that he wants to avenge his death, saying, “I let him down in life. I won’t let him down in death.” I see the makings of a real bro-mance.

After only about an hour, they are in love.
After only about an hour, they are in love.

What is Superman smoking when he sees his dad on top of that mountain? The strangest sequence in a movie full of them, Superman is just out, chilling on top of a mountain, moving rocks into a pile when his dead dad shows up to offer some advice. The only way I can explain it is that Superman was obviously hallucinating.

When Wonder Woman fights, why does she get her own theme music and is always in slow motion? I LOL’d. A lot. Words can’t even describe how ridiculous this was. I dare you to re-watch it and not laugh.

Wonder Woman saves the day--always in slo-mo.
Wonder Woman saves the day--always in slo-mo.

Will no one realize that Clark Kent and Superman are the same person… when they both die AND have their funerals on the same day? I guess I forgot that Superman conceals his real identity so well to begin with… behind those hipster glasses. That’s a bullet-proof disguise right there.

How in the f### is Doomsday created? Doomsday is a perfect blend of Krypton goo, dead General Zod body, and Lex Luthor blood. Ahhhhh! It makes so much sense now.

What has happened to Wayne Manor? Where is Bruce Wayne living these days? The several scenes where we can see his (former?) home makes it look like it hasn’t been taken care of in centuries. Maybe Batman needs a little smaller R&D budget and a little larger remodeling fund.

Batman's next mission? Fire the landscaper.
Batman's next mission? Fire the landscaper.

Why does Lois Lane through away the kryptonite spear… in a urban puddle? Better question: Why is there a random body of water right in the middle of a Gotham building? That building and Wayne Manor must have the same groundskeepers.

How does Superman hear Lois Lane in the Middle East… but can’t hear his mom being kidnapped in Kansas? My only explanation: That Superman is a creepy-level stalker who lurks in the clouds watching Lois Lane… 24/7.

Why does the reporter at the beginning of the film have a film camera, not a digital one? Maybe part of The Daily Planet’s problem is that they spend so much money on travel costs for Lois Lane that they haven’t been able to update their equipment since 1990.

Finch disses Supe in front of his own statue. Cold.
Finch disses Supe in front of his own statue. Cold.

Why is Superman loved, given a statue on Capitol Hill and now hated again all in a manner of 18 months? The biggest moment of irony in the film was when the Senator was giving her press conference at Capitol Hill directly in front of a Superman statue. What a long fall from the top, Superman.

And, finally... why did Clark Kent’s plan to propose to Lois Lane via Fed-Ex? Ah, Mr. Super Romantic decides to mail the engagement ring for Lois Lane… to his mom’s house. Smooth. That’s a real playa’ move right there.

Some of these questions aren’t nearly the “riddle of the Sphinx,” but if you have any ideas, share in the comments below. Any answers will definitely help at this point.

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