BySam Plank, writer at
"You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it." -Johnny Cash. Tweet a tweeter at my twitty twitter, @tw1tterintw1t
Sam Plank

So back in 2014 or 2015, word got out that Married...with Children was coming back, to pretty much every 30-plus-year-old's joy! “Thank your father, kids” and the hand down the pants became a part of our everyday lives. And like today, when boycotting something has the exact opposite effect as the one desired, a campaign to boycott the show actually made it more popular (thanks to the show's pretty raunchy overtones).

Back on April 5th, the show celebrated the 29-year-anniversary of its first episode, and on June 9 of this year, it'll celebrate the 19-year-anniversary of its last, which marked the end of its 11-season run.

Imagine for a second that Married with Children was really coming back. I doubt it would air very long in this day of political correctness (assuming it kept its original, er, tone), but it would be a fun fun FUN one or two seasons!

Here are my top picks of who should be in the show — a reboot, but not with the original characters: A new family, maybe tied to the original Bundy clan somehow.

Introducing the new head of the household:

David Faustino

Bud Bundy

It really has to be him, doesn't it? This would be the tie-in to the original that would make the fans of the old show flock to the new. Bud grows up (sorta), gets married, has a couple kids and annoying neighbors — maybe even a pet. You're gonna either love or hate my choice for his pet, by the way.

Not really ashamed of his father, but not really wanting to be too much like him either (at least in his career) somewhere along the line it happens. He doesn't become a shoe salesman, because, like I said before, making fun of obese women these days is 1) not going to go over well at all, and 2) just not as funny as it used to be. So what should Bud be?

Three words: Tee Ball Coach. Think of all the crap he could get from soccer moms, two dads, two moms, and crazy, crazy parents. And then think about how he could just dish it right back out. Who doesn't like to see whiney sports parents getting ripped a new one because little Johnny doesn't get to play shortstop?

But who, just who could he marry that could even come close to rivaling the brilliance that was Peggy Bundy/Katey Sagal? She has to be raunchy-ish, well-known-ish, and pretty outspoken.

Amy Shumer

Peg/Meg Bundy

I know the original's name was Peggy. But Bud finding a spandex-wearing, alcohol-loving woman of his dreams who's also named Peggy? Maybe Meg — something really close to Peg. Amy is just the right amount of outspoken; she could totally carry on the Peggy Bundy torch.

Let's find Bud and Peg/Meg's kids. Who else to play the ditzy wild child daughter?

Miley Cyrus

Roxanne “Roxy” Bundy

With David Faustino at 42 years of age, and Miley at 23, it might be doable! Just slap some old-guy gray hair and wrinkles on Bud, and bam! You have a guy old enough to be Miley's dad. Typically, I would NEVER encourage Miley to do anything public because it usually ends up with her twerking or sticking her tongue out. But this would be perfect for her, well, because of those two things I just mentioned. Can't you picture Miley Cyrus as a early 20s gal living with her parents because she's too dingy to find a job, dating some crazy metal rock band-looking guys, and Daddy Bud taking a baseball bat to them?

But what about Bud, Jr.? I would think he would have to be a little bit younger than Miley, maybe just out of high school. He HAS to have girl problems too, and by that I mean he has a problem finding a girl that can stand being around his dorky butt for more than five minutes. Who would fit this role?

One guy that comes to mind is:

Dylan Minnette

Garth Bundy

Garth? Why Garth? Because Peg/Meg insisted they name their first son after her favorite country music singer of course!

Dylan's a pretty good lookin' kid, but so was David in Married's day. I can see him being an awkward 19-ish-year-old having absolutely no luck with the ladies. Plus, he was pretty good in that really good, very bad day drama.

And last but not least, Buck and Lucky's replacement:

Grumpy Cat!

Or a reasonable facsimile at least. You think Buck had some good wisecracking, Bundy-bashing lines? Just think about what Grumpy Cat would have to say about the Bundy family!

Who would YOU like to see in a 'Married...with Children' remake?


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