ByLawrence Campbell, writer at

Everyone is jazzed to see it. I'm jazzed to see it. But my inner grown up has a question.

In what fucked up world would people advocate to have a right to be vigilantes? Take Batman. He is a vigilante, but not quite the picture of mental health and good citizenship.

He's fucked up in the head. He fights crime and the cops pursue him for it (sometimes). But his being a vigilante is held up as being wrong. That Commissioner Gordon relies on him in quite another kettle of fish. (to be cooked later)

So that takes us to Captain America versus Iron Man. The story? A super hero team fucks up. Government wants accountability. Some heroes acquiesce. Others balk. Fight ensues.

One problem. Nobody has the right to be a vigilante. Batman is the poster child for unhealthy fixation. He's not right in the brain. That makes him compelling, but not RIGHT. That it takes an accident for the government to demand accountability is kind of far-fetched even in comic book reality. We have covert ops all over the world, we spy on allies, but allow super-powered beings to have free reign?

Not fucking likely.

If beings with superpowers existed they would be on the payroll, or we would ensure that we could neutralize them. They most certainly would not be running around all willy-nilly. Wouldn't there need to be some king of competency test? What if you were a super powered klutz?

If one was pro vigilante: all it would take for one's personal property to be destroyed and one not being covered by insurance to change that tune really quickly!

"What do you mean my policy doesn't cover acts of alien invasion? Spandex Man threw a car through my fucking living room to take down The Moon Men!"

"I'm not sure why he threw the car through my house. I just know that there is a car shaped hole where wall used to be!"

"Yes. I know Spandex Man should have super jumped over my house. I really don't know why he didn't. Heat of battle?"

"I need to sue Spandex Man? I don't know who he is? He's some super powered dude in a really tight spandex suit. Hey wait a tick. He threw a fucking car through my house. What if he doesn't want to pay for damaging my home?"

"Fuck you and fuck Spandex Man."

I'm going to see the movie, but I'm going to have a hard time accepting Captain's point of view. Having an opposing view doesn't mean having an equivalent view. Captain America is wrong. Period.


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