ByJonathan Sim, writer at
I'm a writer/film theorist. Check out my articles on Pixar, Harry Potter, Back to the Future, Die Hard, politics, and more!
Jonathan Sim

So this is going to be a clearly rushed article. I made the promise of four posts a week and I've only done three so far. I've been working and to be more exact, I've been watching Back to the Future on AMC yesterday and today. But I'm going to give my opinion on hoverboards.

You: "Hoverboards? You mean, like, in Back to the Future?!"

Me: "Ha-ha! No, you silly idiot! I'm talking about these hoverboards!"

You: "You underachieving, idiotic, crappy TWIT! What the heck is this?! You call that a hoverboard?"


Okay, so here's why I hate the new "hoverboards".

1. They don't hover

This one should be pretty clear. They're called hoverboards, but they don't hover. From LITERALLY no angle do they look at all, like they're hovering. They go on wheels. These are not hoverboards. These are self-steering, self-manuevering skateboards.

2. They're SO SLOW

You can pretty much outwalk these things.

3. They catch on fire

This speaks for itself. But that wouldn't work on water.

4. They make you look like an ass

No. Not that.

That's better.

5. They exist

Someone actually invented these self-steering skateboards and slapped the name "hoverboard" on it. What were they thinking? Are they losers or are they stupid?

...or both?

Okay, that's it!


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