What? Yes, in a shocking twist of surprise news that shocked the world, sent publications reeling, and was splashed across tabloid headlines the world over, we've discovered that the literary sensation that was Fifty Shades Darker might not be adapted page for page from the book.
This is probably a good thing, given that the box office success but critical wet fart Fifty Shades of Grey suffered greatly from "author" E.L. James' absolute refusal to allow any changes to her precious book, even when professional screenwriters advised her otherwise. What do you know, critically adored and BAFTA nominated writer Kelly Marcel? I bet you've never written fanfiction in your life.
Yep, disputes with E.L. James left Marcel unwilling to even view the finished film, calling it "too painful" to watch. We feel you Marcel, we feel you. Marcel left the franchise before production on Fifty Shades of Grey began and was replaced with Patrick Marber, who also left the franchise - there's a pattern here. (I'm not saying James is a living nightmare to work with, but if the bondage gear fits...).
But we digress.
"So how? How will the movie deviate from the books?" I hear you cry. Well worry not, here's what's what. New reports and behind the scenes pictures (via The Daily Mail of all places) seem to suggest that there could be a switch up in the chronology of Darker — which ironically is the very thing Marcel wanted to change up in Fifty Shades of Grey.
Because — hold onto your spanking paddles people — it looks like the romantic couple of the century that is Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) might get married during Fifty Shades Darker, not afterwards as happens in the books. Darker sees the two deciding to tie the knot, because clearly they have a healthy and functional relationship, but they aren't married until the time Freed rolls around.
Wow. I need to take a moment to sit down there. What a revelation. The leaked set photos in question show Dornan and Johnson filming in a park and both sporting some pretty flashy wedding rings, which you can see in the image below.
However it is worth pointing out that, whilst numerous publications have ran with this story as proof that the movie will be taking a hard left turn away from the book, there have also been numerous reports that Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed will be filmed back to back, which means that this scene could in fact be from Freed, and not Darker.
I guess this means we can all sleep soundly tonight. Or not, cause we're still aware that these movies are things which exist.