BySam Plank, writer at
"You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it." -Johnny Cash. Tweet a tweeter at my twitty twitter, @tw1tterintw1t
Sam Plank

Or will we? If this is RDJ's last outing as Tony Stark, who knows? Maybe they'll go out with a really weird, awkward, his-suit-is-in-love-with-him bang?

So by now you've heard the news, that Robert Downey, Jr. would love to do Iron Man 4. With that news, comes the obvious, that there will be an Iron Man's just a matter of time!

You're probably thinking to yourself right now...self? Who do I want to see Iron man tear to pieces? Or who do I want to see tear him to pieces?

I doubt you're thinking about who you DON'T want see...unless you're strange like me!

Here's who I personally don't really want to see come to life on the big screen!


Was this Marvel's attempt to better the DC Scarecrow? Because that guy is pretty terrifying. This Scarecrow? He's a contortionist that hangs out with crows. In his first meet-up with Iron Man, not surprisingly, he lost the fight.

As the comics usually do, they continued to keep his character around, and at one point, killed him and brought him back with superhuman strength, speed and endurance, and....wait for induce fear in his enemies.

Not only do we not want to see a cheap knock-off of Batman's enemy (the DC Scarecrow came about in 1941; this guy started his reign of terror-ish in 1964), but I doubt Marvel would be that desperate for a villain.

The Unicorn

This guy has gone through more secret identities than narcissist in the witness protection program. There were 4 different Unicorns, each with the uncanny ability defeated by Iron Man with one punch. He has had a helmet that shoots laser beams, gets a third eye (stop it) on his horn (no really, just stop) that shoots (OMG REALLY?) energy out of it, and even gets some mutagenic radiation treatments to develop his powers. But yet, he continues to get beat by Iron Man. This would be the most boring villain EVER. I can just see Tony seeing the Unicorn appear for the 27th time, wanting to fight Iron Man, and Tony being all like

The Termite

Neil Donaldson's story starts with as a sculptor. A pretty bad one at that...but when your powers are the ability to melt anything with your hands, sculpting is not something you were meant to do in life. Iron Man tried to fight him, but Termy ran away. When Iron Man and War Machine caught up with him one time at a museum, Tony shot him with a mutant power sucking gun...or something like that. He lost his powers and was incarcerated.

I guess he would work as a side story, and IM4 could have 18 villains like Spider-Man 3.


President of Cuba wants to make a superhero. President forces scientist to make a superhero potion. President makes scientist drink it. Scientist becomes Crusher, a dude with super weight. WTF is super weight??? Anyway, president decides he wants to kill Crusher.

This one would be dumber than leaving a screen door on a hoverboard.


Again with the DC rip-offs! Half-face (1967) and Two-Face (1942) both have...get this...screwed up faces! Trung Tuan was a Vietnamese weapons maker, and a damn good one. We're talking Mandarin-level awesomeness here. And....well that's it. He had some trouble concentrating one day while working with explosive chemicals and blew the lower half of his face off. Still no super powers, and half his face missing. I guess Aaron Eckhart and Tommy Lee Jones were able to do a fantastic job with no superpowers, but this guy is missing his chin.

We'll pass, Marvel...

Mr. Doll

This guy is actually kind of funny. His power is, well, a doll. Or dolls, I guess. He used these dolls like voodoo dolls, and if these dolls looked like you, you were SCREWED! He could totally kill you. Or make you do an impersonation of the exorcist girl.

Mr. Doll himself would be screwed if he had a twin brother superhero.

Grey Gargoyle

Some movies can take yawn-inducing villains and turn them into something spectacular. But to take a French chemist who spills mutagen gunk on his hands and turns them into living stone, giving him the power to turn people into sculptures and display them at museums and stuff. Oh--and he collects the money he gets from selling them. THAT BASTARD.

This guy can wait until Iron Man 12, please and thank you.

The Melter

The recipient of quite possibly the worst villain name in the history of villain names, Bruno Horgan was right up there with Tony Stark, supplying the guv-ment with weapons. The guv-ment discovers his weapons suck and gives the contracts to Tony Stark. When is the guv-ment going to realize that Tony is THE MAN when it comes to weapons?

Obviously, The Melter wants to melt things now. So he takes one of his sucky weapons that melts iron. That's right, all iron. THAT MEANS TONY wear one of his unobtainium or adamantium suits on the day he defeats....The Melter.

Fin Fang Foom

He obviously isn't worthy of bringing to the big screen. He's the Mandarin's little pants-wearing dragon helper guy, and he didn't appear in Iron Man 3, so we can safely assume Marvel agrees with us that he'd make a pretty boring villain, seeing how he's Mandy's #2.


He has a suit of boomerangs and he throws boomerangs. That's all I'm going to say about that.

And the winner of the Who Not To Bring To The Table In Iron Man 4 contest is....

Iron Man's sentient suit!

Due to some health issues, Tony had to modify his suit, and accidently went and made another Ultron-ish mistake.

One thunderstorm and one electric whip belonging to Whiplash, and Tony's suit takes on a life of its own. It starts out fairly okay, but just like any pesky machine with AI would, the suit ended up killing Whiplash, fell in love with Tony, and became a jealous little b when Tony put on another suit in an attempt to defeat his sentient suit.

Holy crap that was a mouthful.

The fight in the comics ends with the suit rich guy-napping Tony and tying him to a tree on a deserted island while it went off to fight alongside the other Avengers in his place. When he gets back, he's ready to kill Tony, when he see's Tony having a heart attack, and saves his life. The suit rips its own reactor heart out and puts it inside Tony's....chest hole, thus ending its own life and saving Tony's.

To end an already awkward comic, Tony buries the suit on the island, with a grave marker reading "Here lies Iron Man, Avenger."

One, how does Tony get off the island now?

And two, what if some poor shipwrecked sap washes up on the shore of the island later and sees Iron Man has died? How horrible would that be?

Moral of the story? If Marvel (I guess Disney bought Marvel didn't they? Oh well...if you could pretend I typed "Disney" every time I put "Marvel" in up there, that'd be great, thaaaanks.) wants to have a sentient suit, that's hunky dory. Just don't make it fall in love with the guy.

We want RDJ's possible last outing as Iron Man to not make us squirm uncomfortably in our seats!

But enough about me. How do YOU feel? Who do you NOT want to see Iron Man take on?


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