ByRachael Rumancek, writer at
would love a vodka shower and a never ending supply of sushi. follow me on twitter @rachaelrumancek
Rachael Rumancek

Please, for your own safety, do not for one second think that all zombies are created equal. There are different breeds of zombie just as there are of dogs, or races of humans:

  • Walkers
  • Biters
  • Deadites
  • Friendly
  • Animal
  • Mutants
  • etc.

Sure, I could kill a zombie too if it was as stupid as shit and slow as hell, but what if they are faster, or stronger than you? Here's to the times the 'Walkers,' were actually, The Runners.

1. The Return of the Living Dead

Forget everything you know about zombies. It isn’t real. If you want the truth you need to watch “Return of the Living Dead,” right f*cking now, it may end up saving your life.

Resistance, and communication, are futile. They are starving for some BRAINS, and they can tell you all about it. Yes, that’s right, they can speak; quite clearly in fact. So while these decaying dirt-bags are running your ass down, (quite briskly may I add), with, or without legs, they can be sure to tell you all about how delicious your head nucleus smells. Not to mention, how it kills the pain.

It is hard to believe a pile of bones could be so limber, but hell, nothing shocks me anymore.

2. Dead Snow

Well now you are just f*cked. And again, forget what you THINK you know about zombies. These frozen sons-of-bitches are part Scandinavian folklore, part Third Reich tyrant. If that isn’t enough, they are organized and intelligent. They run, they communicate, and if you touch their treasure, they will find you.

Considering these undead Nazi-douchers are fully military trained, it is probably going to take a hell of a lot more to take them down than your run of the mill heroic heads basher, (sorry Darryl). Enter Martin (Vegar Hoel):

Fortunately for Martin, he was quick enough on his feet to evade these snow-pirates. At least long enough to assemble his own militia. Which he is going to need, seeing as how these aren’t your everyday run-of-the mill zombies, and you certainly can not outrun them, forever.

3. 28 days later

“Oh shit! Oh shit shit shit shit SHIT!”

zombies got me like...
zombies got me like...

I hope you didn’t stop to laugh, if you did, you are now dead, and you are a zombie. Now, you are probably running (after my fine ass) faster than your bitch ass ever did while you were still alive. Thanks, now we’re both f*cked.

Speaking from the standpoint (or**AHEM**sitpoint), of a relatively lazy person, these zombies are terrifying, and they are fast as f*ck! I mean, who knew the dead could be so light on their feet. Just goes to show you, there is no better time than the zombie apocalypse to work on your cardio game.

What breed of Zombie scares you the most?


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