BySam Plank, writer at Creators.co
"You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it." -Johnny Cash. Tweet a tweeter at my twitty twitter, @tw1tterintw1t
Sam Plank

Ever since “Detective Comics” #38 arrived in stores in 1940, and Dick Grayson was introduced as Robin, comic book writers have been trying to recreate the formula that made Batman & Robin so successful.

Of course, Robin has had his ups (Nightwing!) and downs (I'm lookin' at you, post-“crisis” d-bag Jason Todd...). That “down” was so bad, the writers set up a 900 number for fans to call in and vote him dead.

Here are some of the worst failures at sidekick-ing comic book writers have come up with...ever!

10. Rick Jones

Rick “Everybody's Sidekick” Jones gets the least worst spot on the list because, well, he wasn't all that bad, and he wasn't all that great. In one version of the Hulk's origin story, the big dufus (Jones, not Banner) drove his car out to a bomb testing site, and Bruce became the Hulk as a result of having to save him. Even though he pulled that one of the biggest boners of all time...

...yes, one that Batman & Robin may have studied...he became Hulk's sidekick, and eventually, everyone else's sidekick, including Captain America, Captain Marvel and Rom. He was named an honorary member of the Avengers, and eventually became A-Bomb, being able to hold his own as the Red Hulk.

9. Doiby Dickles

It seems Doiby and his super-powered lead man, Green Lantern, had some pretty good adventures. But man, oh man...with that name, his love for his taxi, “Goitrude,” and no talents or weapons except for some streetfighting and taxi-driving skills and a pipe wrench, he doesn't stand much of a chance in the sidekicking world.

8. Demolition Man

Or as he was better know, D-Man. His name was close to d-bag, and for good reasons. What kind of sidekick tries to assassinate his superhero? This guy!

He helped Captain America on occasion, and looked, purposefully, like the Daredevil and Wolverine's love child. Even though he was under mind-control at the time, as Scourge, he tried to murder Cap, but was killed by Sharon Carter before he could finish the deed.

Bad sidekick!

7. Uncle Marvel

A chubby old con man named Dudley...

...no relation...wormed his way into the Marvel Family team of superheroes by pretending to be the Californian uncle of Mary Batson, Mary Mavel's alter ego. Possessing the wisdom of Solomon, the Marvels knew he was a fraud, but thought him to be a lovable one, so they kept him on as their manager. Obviously, he existed in the comics almost solely for comic relief, and even the Marvels laughed at his claim that he had superpowers.

6. Snapper Carr

Despite the catchy fish-like name, Snapper was nothing but a burden to the entire JLA, to whom he was kind of a mascot. Having no superpowers or real fighting abilities, his only ability was being able to screw up royally and always have to get rescued by the real heroes. Giving up their secret location to the Joker got his honorary title revoked, thank goodness.

5. Silver Surfer

Through my searches for the worst comic book sidekicks in history, coming upon this guy's name made me do a double take. Silver Surfer, the planet saving hero? Top notch! Silver Surfer, Galactus's restauarant finding cosmic GPS? Not so great. Being a villain's sidekick doesn't exempt you from this list, and SS definitely not do his job.

4. Beppo the Super Monkey

Superboy getting sick of this monkey, and leading into and leaving him in outer space was a good sign of his worth. He caused Superboy more trouble than he was worth, despite him just trying to help save the day. Beppo came to Earth with Kal-El, stowing away on his ship.

But he gets his time in the krytpon sun again; along with Krypto the Superdog and Streaky the Supercat, he forms the Legion of Super-Pets!

Nope, still not the best idea for a comic book super-powered anything.

3. Zook

With looks like that, what could go wrong with your career as a sidekick? Trapped on earth after the space warp that brought him and 3 other aliens to Earth had closed, Zook was taken in by the Martian Manhunter. He had the ability to alter the temperature of his body and everything around him within a few feet, antennae that did...cool stuff, and he could alter the shape of his own body, albeit in a limited fashion. Oh yes...and one time (and one time only), he had super breath.

2. Etta Candy

Being able to kick ass and take names alongside Wonder Woman did nothing to negate the fact that one time, Etta ridiculously stormed a Nazi concentration camp with nothing but a box of candy. She knocked people over with her chubbiness, yelling “Woo woo!”

Plus, the readers had to endure moments like these:

So strange.

1. Alpha

This guy earns the top spot on our list. Not only was Andrew Maguire one of the most powerful sidekicks, almost enough to earn hero status instead of being just a sidekick, but he was also one of the stupidest. He could throw energy blasts from his hands, run at 88 mph (great scott!), generate force fields, etc. That made him pretty much more powerful than Spider-Man. But because of his overconfidence, bad grades at school (incidentally, where he got his powers in an experiment gone wrong...the only experiment I did in high school was dissect pigs!), and nearly bringing down a jet that had Aunt May and Jay Jameson on board, Spider-Man had to de-power him.

A sure sign you're going to earn the #1 spot on a “worst sidekick list”? Your superhero takes away your mojo!

Who was your favorite un-sidekick?

Poll

Who was your favorite un-sidekick?

Trending

Latest from our Creators