ByBen Tobin Johnson, writer at
I memorized Jurassic Park and wrote a book about it.
Ben Tobin Johnson

With my introductory post, I thought it wise to don my Captain Obvious beret since the Commander Smartass helmet might be too heavy-handed for this job.

That said, evidently this is not obvious.

So, first things first: where did all you Ghostbusters purists come from? I know we like to cue up the theme music for our Halloween parties and revisit all its practical-effects goodness when it's on AMC at our grandma's house, but I had no idea so many childhoods would be dashed to weeping smithereens by a shitty remake.

Well, possibly shitty. As of this writing, the movie isn't out yet, so no one really knows. Hard to believe, given the perennially infallible opinions of the internet that weighed in before the first trailer was even released. And once the trailers were released - - admittedly seeming to confirm every worst case scenario wet dream - - the outcry redoubled, spilling into news feeds everywhere just like actual news might one day presumably. Perhaps time will vindicate these beleaguered souls bravely taking a stand against this one shameless Hollywood cash grab but not all the others. Yet the vexing fact remains: none of them have seen this film and thus could not possibly know what they're talking about.

How many of us believed Heath Ledger would go down in history as one of the most iconic incarnations of the Joker before The Dark Knight came out? Not many.

Now the other way around: how many of us counted on The Phantom Menace going down in history as one of the most disappointing movies basically ever? Again, pre-release, optimism threw caution to the wind.

Supply as many examples as you like going in either direction. I loved Prometheus, but it's no secret that a yawning gap quickly formed between reactions to the trailer and reactions to the film itself. We all had our misgivings about Batman v Superman: Dawn of Acronyms but did anyone foresee the entire conflict hinging on a contrived coincidence?

Maybe the new Ghostbusters will be a tasteless collection of wasted time and money destined for permanent residence on every forthcoming "Worst Movies" list. Maybe it will convert even the most skeptical through the sheer force of its unexpected brilliance. I mean, I doubt it - - but it could happen.

Anyone confidently claiming to know which it is before release, however, could save themselves the effort by instead shouting: "I do not know what I am talking about and I am very proud of that."

Don't be like them. Respect your pending polemic enough to wait until its target is in full view.

Sorry, looks like I had that Commander Smartass helmet on after all.


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