We hardcore movie fans are a rare species. Unlike the casual moviegoers, we don't just watch movies. Before we enter the theatre, we already know how many directors passed on the project, which stars hated each other during filming, who did her/his own stunts and when the sequel's coming out.
That's not enough, though. We analyze their storytelling, box office earnings, and performances. Or, if there's a film we like or really want to like, we get into fights like a pack of desperate, angry wolves to defend its plot holes and inconsistencies. But, just like in the ever-fascinating animal kingdom, us hardcore movie fans can be divided into different species and subclasses. This piece will focus on the 9 most common ones... although, if our way of living echoes mother nature's in any way, more are yet to be uncovered. Here are the nine types of movie fans you are most likely to run into either in a theater or on the internet:
1. THE LONE WOLF
Vastly different opinions will always circle around the movie world. Some can love a film like it's a part of their family, while others can hate it like it's that kid in school who always stole your lunch... even though you begged him not to do it... and you cried and... anyway, the point is a lot of us have been in the strange position of loving a film everyone hates. In my case, they're Fifty Shades of Grey and Superman Returns.
A lot of fans in this exact situation perform a specific action that led me to dub them 'The lone wolves'. Those looking to find comfort in knowing they're not alone (or just looking to be paid attention to... I don't know) post the classic "Am I the only one who liked Fant4stic?" or "I think I'm in the minority who actually liked this film" in comment sections, prompting the usual "Actually, I liked it too" response. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?
2. THE WALKING DEAD
There's a time when a film that you've been waiting years to see is hitting theaters in the near future and it makes the month prior to its release the longest of your life. An insatiable thirst takes over you, looking for a way to speed up time and see the movie right then. You don't have that ability though, so you go into whichever website you purchase movie tickets from and get your tickets. But you are smarter than that: You are not going to buy a ticket for The Force Awakens a week before it premieres like a freaking amateur... NO!
What do you do? You go into Fandango four hours before the day the tickets officially go on sale, two months before the movie premieres, and you wait... patiently, for the stroke of midnight. Your finger is on top of your mouse, ready to strike the second your clock changes. It doesn't matter that you have a massive headache and blurry vision from sleep depravation, or that you have to go to work in five hours, you are going to get your tickets DAMMIT!
And you do it! You get them! You are so tired that you look like a zombie from The Walking Dead but you feel like the king of the world right now. It doesn't matter that you could have waited four days after the movie released, walked into a theater and got your tickets... That's for casuals... You've got to see it opening day.
3. THE 'WADE WILSON'
Imagine this: You go into a theatre to watch a movie you are particularly excited for. You sit down with your popcorn and comfortably rest your head on the headrest. But, suddenly and without mercy, your relaxation is cut short by a guy or girl talking their way through the entire film with their companions.
While at first you marvel at the fact that they manage to find something to talk about through a two-hour film, you quickly realize they are smart enough to vary their topics as to not have the conversation go stale on them. It ranges from topics like them explaining parts of the plot to their friends, what they had for breakfast that morning, to what their dreams and aspirations for the next 50 years are. But Franco, how do you know what they're talking about, you ask? Because they're not ashamed of their conversation, and they're willing to share it with the rest of the theatre. What if the movie's sound effects are so loud that you can't hear the Wade Wilsons' conversation? Don't worry, they'll adjust their voice volume accordingly.
What surprises me the most about these people is not their utter disrespect for the rest of the audience, but the fact that they don't care about the $15+ they spent to go into a theatre and use as their make-shift Starbucks. Oh, and in case you were wondering why I call them "The Wade Wilsons", it's because of their big mouths.
4. THE ONE THAT HAS ALWAYS READ THE BOOK FIRST (AND SAYS IT'S BETTER THAN THE MOVIE)
Ever since Harry Potter came into the spotlight, book-to-film adaptations like Hunger Games, Twilight, Divergent, Ender's Game and more have been on the rise... and so have their fans.
What do I mean by that? Well, I can safely say that whilst going into the theatre, most of us have heard someone behind us say: "Oh yeah, I've read all the books". But the story doesn't end there, no... when walking out of the theatre, you hear those same people say "The books did it better". This has become an extremely common practice among today's moviegoing audience.
And if you fit into that category, let me tell you before you get your pitchforks ready, that I've been guilty of this as well. Before the first Narnia came out in 2005, I had already read books 1 through 5. So even though I enjoyed the film, when walking out of the theatre, I held my proud index finger in the air and told my mom "the books did it better". I then unknowingly joined a category of fans that make me want to throw a very embarrassing and unforgettable tantrum in front of everyone in the theatre.
5. THE SIT-KICKER
Come on, all of us have encountered one at some point or another. It's that moment of self-loathing when you realize you've bought seats in the middle of the theatre; you sit down, cautiously optimistic about it... but then that person - that individual who is about to become your nemesis - walks by you. You've never previously met, but there's something about him that just doesn't seem right: maybe it's his smell, maybe it's his confident smile, perhaps how he hug his popcorn beneath his armpit, but something's for sure... You've just come face-to-face with a sit-kicker.
Throughout the duration of the movie, this individual gently taps his feet against the back of your seat. Then, he grows more confident; the taps become kicks. And no matter how many Walter White expressions you throw at him, he's not backing off. Honestly, with people engaging in this type of behavior, I can't just kick back (Ah! Pun!), relax and watch a film I paid to see.
6. CREEPY STING (I'LL BE WATCHING YOU)
Many of us go to watch movies to add a nice touch of fantasy to our daily lives, forget about the people around us and submerge ourselves into the world developing in front of our eyes... what stops us from accomplishing that? The creepy guy two seats to your right with his head turned completely towards you, watching your every move.
He's there to see when you laugh, jump out of your seat, doze off, choke on your popcorn, you name it. It doesn't matter that you stare directly at him to let him know you know exactly what he's up to, the stalking will continue, mirroring Sting's 'Every Breath You Take'. Now, every time you encounter this type of person in a theater, I want you to play that song in your head... Yeah.
7. THE APOLOGIST
A good film has a lot of different components: Amazing characters, outstanding story or eye-popping cinematography. One aspect that can considerably bog it down though, is a gap or inconsistency in a storyline that goes against the logic established by the story's plot, also known as a plot hole.
Surprisingly, there is a considerable number of movie fans that defend these inconsistencies, fans who I call "The Apologists"; individuals who are willing to get into vicious fights (on the internet and real life) to defend a film's plot holes and mistakes.
Whether it's a flimsy action scene or plot points that make zero dam sense, there is always something that "Apologists" will find to use as an argument in the film's defense.
Movies based on novels or comic books are usually the ones receiving this treatment. For example, when The Hunger Games came out, a lot of people pointed to things that were either not explained or made absolutely no sense. Fans were quick to state that many of these details were explained in the books... but here's the thing: If we're watching a film, we shouldn't have to look out of its story to get a coherent understanding of what we just saw. Nor should we try to explain plot holes in such a desperate way that it seems like we're trying to trick our way out of Gollum's lair.
8. THE CYBORG
"The Cyborg" is what I call that person who's stuck to her/his cellphone screen through the entire film. For them, detachment from said device can cause nausea, headaches, extreme boredom and uncontrollable shaking.
The cellphone usage is of course not only troublesome for the person using it, seeing how he/she paid for a ticket and is not watching the movie, but also for the people around him/her. As you are trying to watch the film, that pesky white screen seems to always be in your general direction. And you can't really avoid it considering it's a literal white beacon in an otherwise dark area.
This type of fan makes me miss the days I wasn't born to see, when an usher would go to your seat to kick you out if you were disturbing the rest of the moviegoers.
9. THE HOUSE SECURITY SYSTEM
Have you ever been watching a horror movie so intense and terrifying, even the feeling of your own breath against your skin makes you paranoid, thinking someone's next to you? You are so scared you know none of your senses can be trusted when suddenly... someone in the theatre screams, kicking you into a straight up mental breakdown?
Well I have... and let me tell you something: I hate it. And no, I am not talking about the common gasps from the audience when a jump scare pops up, no, I'm talking about the people that go full berserk and literally scream to the heavens... or the ceiling... whichever's closest, making them sound like a house security system.
And you know what the worst part is? I've heard people so frightened, that they scream when nothing's happening, which gets a reaction from me very similar to this:
Ugh! Let's wrap this up before I get any more flashbacks.
Being a movie fan can be like any other activity. Just like it's easy to spot different types of people at work, coffee shop or a restaurant, it's easy to do it with us, movie followers. We thrive tangling ourselves into, not just the worlds the movies give us, but the worlds behind it. That innately creates the different species we so proudly fit into.
... Just don't fit into types three, five, six, eight or nine.