Whether you've seen it or not, one thing you should be able to take away from Kick-Ass is that ANYONE, big or small, can become a superhero. With the number of superhero films coming out each year, and the great abundance of 'em out now, both comic and non-comic-book fans alike have started to murmur...
All good things of course! These murmurs have gone from little ideas like cosplay, to people taking their costumes/ideas out onto the streets. They've started their own groups, or leagues if you will, like The Real Life Superhero Project for example. In which these "heroes" go out to protect civilians, do volunteer work, and maybe even walk a frail old lady across the streets.
People have even made functioning Iron Man costumes! (Minus the reactor and blasters of course!)
But the point is, that people are ready...ready to become...A SUPERHERO!
Are you ready? Do you have what it takes?
Follow these steps, and you'll become a superhero! (If it doesn't result in death that is...)
1. Gain A Superpower
This is the most important step in all the "How To Become A Superhero" steps, so make sure you follow this one closely!
1. The first step in gaining your superpower is to make sure you hang in, or around, a radioactive/hazardous waste area.
2. Some have tried creating an accident in hopes of getting powers, but those that have have passed away. What I've found out to be the most successful way is to always carry around one or more mascots. Be it a hamster, goldfish, spider, gorilla, or even a Tamagotchi, if you want more powers, carry more with you.
3. While you've got your mascot(s) with you, and you're in the radioactive/hazardous waste area, purposely cause an explosion/accident! If you do it just right, you should have successfully merged with your mascot and gained their gifts...(I'm sorry if your mascot was a dung beetle!)
Note: After you've gained your ability(s), this should be about the right time for you to pick out your name. I.e. if your mascot was a dung beetle, take part of its name, and combine it with your gender, e.g. Dung Woman or Poop-Man.
2. Pick A Costume
1. While picking a costume, the first thing you need to do is to get a logo/emblem. (Mind copyright issues though) E.g. if you chose the name "Poop-Man" then you should have a logo/emblem resembling a turd.
2. Choose your colors. Again, for example, if you are Poop-Man, then you'd want to have poop related colors like brown and green. If you're a funny person, add a little yellow to your costume...to resemble corn...
3. If you're going to have a mask, make sure you take care of your hair! You have to remember your secret identity, so keep your mop lookin' nice.
3. Find A Nemesis...
1. So, along with powers, you've got a name and a costume...now its time to get yourself heard! The best way to do this is to place an ad in your local newspaper or Craigslist, (maybe even Creators.co), saying who you are, what you do, and what you stand for.
2. Try loitering in costume at banks, supermarkets, and in dark alleyways. That way you'll be ready for action as soon as a robbery or a mugging happens.
3. Supervillains are usually pretty whacky/crazy/psychotic. 66% of the time it's an old guy every time, so if you see ol' grandpa talking to himself...he's probably evil...attack him with your powers!
4. Get Gadgets...
Maybe you lack a superpower because you didn't have another mascot and, because of that, you can't get the right job done. You can try repeating step 1, but we suggest that you invent some gadgets. You're not that smart? Well, you could ask your rich friend for some cash. Don't have a rich friend? Yeah, you're probably going to have to resort to stealing then, which isn't a good thing. This means you'll be a criminal/villain...so here's three gadgets you should have!
1. Two words: Smoke. Cans. What better way to make a grand/dramatic entrance than some smoke, right? These will come in handy with other things as well.
2. Ninja stars, or something of the like. If you don't feel like throwing something into a bad guy, then you have a heart. Regardless, ninja stars are a great way to hang up posters!
3. Boots and gloves. If, for some reason, you don't already have them as part of your costume, then you should add them. If you weren't granted a wall-crawling ability, then try getting some boots and gloves with super-sticky stuff on them that will help you do so. If you'd like to save money, just use some doubled-sided tape...the really sticky kind!
5. Train Hard...
1. Maybe you can't fly, but then you should learn how! You should at least be able to jump really high. So get out the trampoline and start jumping...make sure you practice your superhero landing as well, 'cause that will come in handy sometimes! (If you're wanting to do the landing, I suggest you do some leg exercises that will build up your leg/knee muscles).
2. If you don't have super-strength, then you best train your pipes/guns (arms) and body so that you can lift extremely heavy things/weights. Then when a big bad comes around, you can easily beat him before he beats you, or he hurts someone else.
3. Practice your marksmanship! You might not be as good as Hawkeye, Green Arrow, or Deadshot right off the bat, so you should practice your shooting skills so you won't hit innocent civilians during a big fight or dart competition.
There You Have It! So What Do YOU Think? What Would YOUR Mascot(s) Be, YOUR Superhero Name, Etc.? Tell Me All Things In The Comments Section Below! Thanks For Reading!!
Do YOU Want More "How To" Goodness? Check out: How To Get The Girl, According To The Movies, Right Here!
[Source Image: Wired Italia.]