ByProject Meltdown, writer at Creators.co

While holding my bowl in my mouth and scrapping resin off of my pocket knife blade with a butcher knife, I came across an article claiming that Jon Hamm, Don Draper himself, was being considered as the flesh and blood Archer.

"Jesus" I thought, after slicing my thumb open, "That has to be the best goddamned casting decision of all time." Simply because, it is. Now, that being said, the rest of the cast has to be the most meticulously mapped out piece of human history since DNA.

So, as part one, here are the only actors/actresses that could possibly fit the bill.

1. Jon Hamm: Sterling Archer

Karate, the Dane Cook of martial arts?
Karate, the Dane Cook of martial arts?

2. Aisha Tyler: Lana Kane

YYYYUUPPPP
YYYYUUPPPP

3. Helen Mirren: Malory Archer

What fresh hell is this?
What fresh hell is this?

4. Jason Bateman: Ray Gillette

Phra- Wait, are we still doing Phrasing?
Phra- Wait, are we still doing Phrasing?

5. Bill Hader: Dr. Krieger

The human body is basically a potato clock.
The human body is basically a potato clock.

6. Stephen Colbert: Cyril Figgis

Hey, will I get to learn Karate?
Hey, will I get to learn Karate?

7. Amy Schumer: Pam Poovey

Holy shit snacks!!!
Holy shit snacks!!!

8. Jenna Fischer: Cheryl Tunt

You're not my supervisor!!!
You're not my supervisor!!!

Who Will Direct?

Yeah, no descriptions needed. Also, and I appreciate this, I know you're saying, "Why doesn't this guy, the writer and director of the $300 grossing film Meltdown, not direct this thing?" Well, I was offered, but I'm busy eating Red Baron and serving coffee.

However, I think the only other film freak that could possibly master the bastard child of The Naked Gun and In Like Flint is non other than the master mind of Slither, Mr. James Gunn.

Here is the only stipulation. These actors should be the flesh and blood representations of the animated classic, but the original voice actors should voice it. I know, shhhhhhh, I know. It seems odd. Just wait, think about it, imagine the glory.

Yes, it would be an insane in terms of, well all around, but, under the watchful eye of Gunn, it could possibly be the best fucking movie ever made. Our favorite actors with the voices of our favorite dysfunctional super spies. Think Crispin Glover dressed as the Joker voiced by Mark Hamill.

Yeah, you're welcome Hollywood.

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