Do you want to become a lean, mean, cinematic loving machine? These 10 exercises will get you 100% ripped, 100% of the time (based on zero instances of this happening). These moments of exercise worked for fictional heroes so they must be perfect for everybody else.
I am not responsible for any injuries that are the result of this workout system. Be smart people!
1. Exaggeration Curls — Anchorman
Do you not want to workout because you are afraid what people will think? If you answered “yes” you should pull a Ron Burgundy and confuse everybody by doing exaggeration curls. The trick is to exaggerate your numbers every time people walk by. People will know you are lying, but they won’t know you only did four curls.
You can use this system for all the workouts below.
2. Corona Curls — Fast and Furious
Everybody in the Fast movies are ripped. How do they stay so svelte? The short answer is Corona curls. Basically, drink Corona bottles constantly and fling them at your face like you’ve never drank Corona before. The trick is to ignore all drinking logic and invent new ways to make beer explode in your face.
3. Wear a Knee Brace — The Dark Knight Rises
Have you been out of action for a while and need to get back in shape quickly? Wear a knee brace. It worked in The Dark Knight Rises. I have no idea how the knee brace cured all of Batman’s physical woes but movies never lie.
4. Master the Ben Affleck Gratuitous Pull-Up — The Town & Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice
Ben Affleck loves to show off his pull-up skills. In The Town and BvS he had no problem lifting himself up on metal bars. If you have a door frame or bat cave, I recommend you put up a pull-up bar and get to work. An added bonus is all the gratuitous pull-ups you can do at parties you host.
5. Become an Actor and Get Cast as Wolverine – Way Too Many X-Men Movies
Hugh Jackman has been ripped for a long time. The guy always has a Wolverine movie around the corner so he needs to be in fighting shape 24/7. Start acting now!
6. Have Somebody Forcefully Make You Do the Splits — Bloodsport
JCVD is always doing the splits. They’ve aided him in many films and gotten him out of trouble on several occasions. If you watch JCVD movies you know the splits make you invincible.
The splits happen at 3:33 in the video.
Disclaimer: work your way up slowly. Don’t jump into tree branch splits immediately.
7. Master Movie Trailer Yoga — Edge of Tomorrow
Rita Vrataski was absolutely shredded in Edge of Tomorrow. Her major workout was movie trailer yoga. What is movie trailer yoga? It features moves that look really cool and show off all the muscles. There is no need to learn anything intricate, just do what looks cool.
A close runner up is in Roadhouse. I call it “creepy Tai Chi”
8. Carry Logs Around — Commando & Rocky IV
You don’t need to buy weights when you have tree trucks and logs lying around. They are nature’s bar bells and you can do anything with them. Whether you want to improve endurance or show off your biceps these dead trees are perfect for you. An added bonus is you can use them for fires later on.
When done with the log you can become like Captain America in Avengers: Age of Ultron and break them apart!
9. Run in Sand, Mud or Snow — Rocky IV, Rocky III, Chariots of Fire, 10, Best of the Best and Naked Gun
The trick is to run on surfaces that aren’t concrete. Movies have taught me that beach/snow/mud running is the greatest exercises of all. Get outside and run on the beach or tundra.
10. Master the One-Arm Pushup — G.I. Jane
It worked for Demi Moore in G.I. Jane and it can work for you. I don’t recommend you do the majority of these exercises in this video because you will 100% hurt yourself (chair pushups?). Start with regular pushups and work your way up to being a one-arm pushup master. It will take some time but if you’ve been doing the above exercises they will be easy.
Sidenote: You don’t have to shave your head.