Watching the most recent episode of Game of Thrones was a bit like being slapped around the face by David Benioff and D.B. Weiss — twice.
Why? Because while some good shit went down on Braavos, "No One" essentially confirmed that neither Cleganebowl nor Lady Stoneheart will be happening this season. Now, call me dramatic but this feels like a pretty major f--k you moment for anybody who's spent the last several months anticipating the Hound doing a Picasso on Mountain 2.0's face.
Can I deal with it? Maybe (yes). but right now I reserve the right to be pissed, and the general social media reaction says I'm not the only one.
While some have chosen to lay their frustrations squarely at Tommen's throne, others who spent a considerable amount of typing drawing pretty memes and getting Olenna Tyrell in on the Cleganebowl fangirl action are probably cussing out the powers that be right now.
Thankfully the beautifully sour-faced Septa Unella gave us a meme last season that pretty perfectly sums up the world's feelings on the lack of Cleganebowl.
Is Cleganebowl Actually Dead?
Not to beat a dead horse, but there is still a chance we could see Cleganebowl play out in Game of Thrones (in fact, I'd bet on it) — it just won't be this season.
Thinking about it logically, once Ramsay Bolton is out of the way, there aren't many big battles left. Daenerys will be returning to Westeros at some point, the Greyjoys still have ambitions to take the Iron Throne, and once the Starks have the North they may settle for an alliance with King's Landing.
And of course, ultimately, the White Walkers will probably arrive and destroy everything. But the more personal stakes of Hound versus Mountain are too good (and too deliciously brutal) to miss out on.
Then again, Benioff and Weiss are master trolls whose ultimate endgame is to make us all cry, so actually it probably won't happen. Thanks guys.
R.I.P. Lady Stoneheart
There's no sugar-coating this: Lady Stoneheart is dead. In the books (sorry...) she's given the kiss of life by Beric Dondarrion not long after her death at the Red Wedding (although whether you can truly be considered alive when you have a gaping neck-vagina that prevents you from speaking, I don't know).
On the show, years have passed since the Red Wedding, and as we saw this week, Beric remains very much alive. It's doubtful that the Lord of Light grants the power to revive a corpse so long after death, and even if he did, all of Catelyn's skin would surely have rotted to leave an exposed corpse by this point.
Nope, Lady Stoneheart ain't happening, and we'll just have to deal.
But Wait! There's A Silver Lining
Two, in fact. First up, we're almost guaranteed to get a reunion between the Hound and Arya Stark, who, as everybody knows, made up the greatest duo in Game of Thrones history. Second, the Battle of the Bastards is happening next week, and the trailer suggests it will be one of the best episodes of TV ever made. Possibly.