There's a lot of weird stuff in comic books, and relationships are perhaps the weirdest of all. From true romance and lost loves, to random hookups and superhero sex tapes, there's something for everyone in the pages of our favorite comics.
And DC are no exception. Despite being one of the more conservative publishers out there (remember when the Batwoman creative team quit cause DC higher-ups wouldn't allow Kate Kane to marry her girlfriend Maggie?), DC have had their fair share of weird and wonderful moments over the years. Let's count down some of our favorites.
1. Wonder Woman & Aquaman Re-enact Snow White
Everyone likes to make fun of Arthur Curry/Aquaman, but everyone forgets the time he saved Diana Prince/Wonder Woman's life — with a kiss. Uh, actually no, let's remember that cause it was a little creepy.
Though there's never really been any romantic inclinations between Aquaman and Wonder Woman — apart from in the alternate "Flashpoint" timeline where the two were betrothed to be married — Arthur Curry has admitted to having a bit of a thing for Wonder Woman in the past. We don't blame you Aquaman.
During the Queen of Fables saga of 2000's JLA comic book, Manhattan is turned into a dark fairytale land by the villainous Queen of Fables and the Justice League are trapped there. Wonder Woman is the only one able to defeat the Queen of Fables, so the villain turns Diana into a literal modern day Snow White — trapped in a magic sleep in a glass coffin, unable to be awoken by her comrades. But luckily for Wonder Woman, a handsome prince by the name of Aquaman just happens to be in the vicinity.
Wonder Woman and Aquaman are of course both royalty, so his kiss breaks the magic spell Diana had been placed under by the Queen of Fables. It's comic book logic alright? It doesn't need to make sense.
2. Wonder Woman's Not So Secret Bondage Fetish
Speaking of Wonder Woman, let's take a look at this strange tale from way back in her Golden Age. This 1943 story from Wonder Woman Vol. 1, Issue 3, was penned by Wonder Woman's co-creator William Moulton Marston, who often included themes of bondage and submissiveness in his stories.
Marston was a psychologist in addition to being a writer, and used early Wonder Woman tales to explore themes around bondage — both physical/sexual and social/political. This played a huge part in the development of Wonder Woman, as Marston wrote "Give [men] an alluring woman stronger than themselves to submit to, and they'll be proud to become her willing slaves!"
This story concerns the Amazons' version of Christmas, called Diana's Day. As Diana tells her lover Steve Trevor, Diana's Day takes place on the Winter Solstice, which marks the return of the Sun God to Earth. Each Diana's Day, one member of the Amazons puts on a silver mask representing the Moon Goddess Diana, and goes around giving out gifts.
The catch? If one of the Amazons is able to catch the Moon Goddess, they get to wear the mask and take over her duties. If they fail to defeat her, however, they get captured and are tied up. This year it's Diana's turn to play the Moon Goddess.
The girls are then untied and dressed in deer costumes for the Diana's Day Hunt, when the other Amazons chase them across the island firing sucker-tipped arrows at them.
When each girl is captured they're brought back to camp and strung up like literal deer, before being "skinned" (removed from their costumes) and "served" on platters for the Diana's Day feast.
There you have it, makes your family Christmases look tame by comparison, doesn't it? (We hope.)
3. Catwoman and Batman Have Angry Costumed Sex
Bruce Wayne/Batman is one of those superheroes who doesn't really have one stand-out long term love interest, largely because he's a brooding loner who hangs out in a cave full of bats all day. Perhaps the two most prolific relationships of the comics are Talia al Ghul — who was the mother of his child, Damian Wayne/Robin — and Selina Kyle, better known as Catwoman.
Though Catwoman began life as a villain, she later progressed to anti-hero and sometime hero status as her character developed. After years of building sexual tension between the two, Batman and Catwoman embarked on a somewhat tenuous relationship in Hush, with Batman even revealing his secret identity to her. They eventually break up though, because Batman is unsure if he can trust her after the events of Hush.
But somewhere along the line it gets going again, as Issue 1 of the New 52 Catwoman series treated us to seeing the two going at it — in vivid detail.
In this issue, Catwoman has just escaped having her apartment fire-bombed to bits, and is hiding out in an empty hotel penthouse. After a tense and violent confrontation with a traumatic figure from her past — which ends with her attempting to claw his eyes out — Selina returns to her hideaway, and Batman shows up shortly after to check in on her.
He's genuinely concerned, she's vulnerable. Rather than talk it out, Selina kisses Batman and pushes him to the floor, and we learn that this isn't the first time the two have hooked up. We also learn that they like to keep their costumes on whilst doing so, and also that Selina doesn't actually know who Batman is under the mask — though she suspects he's aware of her real identity (he is).
It's far from the weirdest thing Batman's been in — at least there weren't any tentacles involved this time around — but it marks one of the few times DC have explicitly portrayed sex between two of their big name characters on panel. Especially Batman cause, you know, it's Batman. If he got laid more often he'd probably be less moody.
4. Wonder Girl Makes Out With Robin In The Remains Of Her Dead Boyfriend
Another charming tale from DC Comics concerns the death of Conner Kent/Superboy and his best friend Tim Drake/Red Robin's efforts to bring him back to life. Superboy kicked it during Infinite Crisis back in 2006, dying in the arms of Cassie Sandsmark/Wonder Girl — his girlfriend.
Robin — still destitute at the loss of his friend a year after his death — deals with his grief in a mature adult manner. So of course he decides to clone Superboy in his basement, using DNA from Clark Kent/Superman and Lex Luthor. Yep, no way this can go wrong.
However, rather than going wrong it just doesn't go very right. Frustrated over his failed attempts to clone Superboy, Tim goes all smashy on his science project in Teen Titans Vol 3, #37, spilling the DNA samples all over the floor.
Cassie comes to investigate the noise and is horrified to discover what Robin has been up to. They have a brief but intense argument about the morality of Tim's actions, which of course ends with the two of them crying and making out.
Grief-induced make out sessions are hardly a new thing in comic books (or storytelling in general really), but the fact that moments before Robin had smashed the cloning tube and spilled its contents everywhere really brings down the atmosphere somewhat. The green goop is even shown splashing around in a few panels as Cassie and Tim kneel on the floor in the remnants of Superboy's DNA. Yikes.
5. Superman Wants To Marry His Cousin
Seriously comic books, what is it with you and incest? This time around it's paragon of virtue Superman getting in on the creepy action in Superman's Super-Courtship!, Issue 289 of DC's famous Action Comics.
In this story Kara Zor-El/Supergirl decides that it's high time Superman got serious about his relationships, instead of messing around trying to decide between Lois and Lana Lang. So she sets out to find the perfect mate for him, dragging the Man of Steel on a series of adventures throughout time — even trying to set him up with Helen of Troy.
Superman eventually cottons on to what's going on, so Supergirl admits to her big cousin her plan to get him super-laid. His reaction might surprise you.
As it turns out, Superman isn't all that against getting married, he's just got his standards set to the height of his 16-year old cousin. Instead of getting the hell outta there, Kara decides that what she needs to do is find Superman a mate who is also a Super-person like her.
And so she tracks down a female superhero named Luma Lynai, who just so happens to be an older "superwoman duplicate" of Kara, living on the planet Staryl. Superman pops off to Staryl faster than you can say "restraining order," and he and Luma fall instantly in love. Like, super instant.
The two new lovebirds plan to return to Earth together, but as soon as they enter Earth's solar system Luma becomes incredibly weak and agonized. It turns out she can't survive on Earth, as the atmosphere is deadly to her. Superman offers to remain on Staryl with her, but she compels him to stay and protect the people of Earth, tearfully promising to love him always as she leaves (bear in mind they met a whole page ago).
As for Supergirl? She promises to stop messing with Superman's love life, and presumably started locking her bedroom door at night.