ByMark Hofmeyer, writer at
Awesomeness is my goal.
Mark Hofmeyer

The Underworld series is four films deep and continues to plug along successfully, with Underworld: Blood Wars coming out January 6, 2017. It all started in 2003 when a leather-clad vampire named Selene (Kate Beckinsale) battled her way through werewolves, lounging vampires and Bill Nighy. From there, she and others battled their way through more werewolves, lounging vampires and Bill Nighy. The following post examines the random thoughts I have about Underworld.

1. Vampires Love To Lounge

Some vampires hunt werewolves. Some vampires create weapons. Some vampires lounge 24/7. The vampires in Underworld seem to only lounge and glower. They sit in comfy chairs and live in a constant state of leisure. Do they work? Do they do chores? Where do they shop? Do they have a favorite chair? Like their vampire counterparts, the cast seems to have aged quite well.

2. Selene Is Much Better With A Computer Than Other Vampires

Selene does some great computer work in Underworld. She researches, has full awareness of the internet and could probably type 100 words per minute. Her computer work is much better than the guys in What We Do in the Shadows:

3. Wentworth Miller Had Hair?

I don’t like it. It doesn’t seem right.

4. Never Use Whips In A Werewolf Fight

The whips look cool and make for a great trailer moment. However, they are totally impractical and end up costing a vampire his life. Why not carry a bazooka?

5. Bill Nighy Is A Great Fist Fighter

I bet Bill Nighy took this role so he could fist fight. You can tell he relishes throwing each punch and backhand. The only problem is he gets so consumed with fist fighting he gets his head chopped off. Common fighting mistake.

6. Michael Sheen Wears A Great Wig

Everybody in Underworld has great hair. I would give the award for “best hair” to Michael Sheen. The dude looks great with the long wig and I bet everybody on set was jealous (I have zero proof of this).

7. Selene Should Be An Avenger

She is capable of superhero landings and her guns carry way too many bullets. I’ve always felt The Avengers needed a vampire, and I’d love to see her pout her way through a supernatural threat.

8. Kraven Loves Loud Shirts

You’d think an immortal would have better fashion sense. What kind of shirts did Kraven wear in the 1700s? Get with the timesm Kraven.

9. Werewolves Take Forever to Transform

If I fought werewolves I would blow them up (or get eaten immediately) while they transform. It takes like 15 seconds to become a wolf, that is plenty of time to blow it up.

10. This Lady Does A Great “Vampire Face.”

I still don’t understand why Erika (Sophia Myles) is so scared of Michael (Scott Speedman). She literally jumps into a wall and sticks to it. Then, she turns around and unleashes the great vampire face in the history of the world.

Of course, Underworld does feature some of the more attractive vampires we've seen on screen:

What random Underworld thoughts do you have?


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