The horror movies of 1996 taught me some very important life lessons. I learned to never say "I'll be right back" and to always be on the lookout for monsters. The films taught me everything I need to know about surviving horror films and my 14-year-old self became a world weary adult after watching Scream, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Frighteners and Thinner.
The following post features 10 lessons that the movies of 1996 taught me. These life lessons made me the man that I am today and I’m certain they can help everyone on the planet. Enjoy the post! You are welcome!
1. Never Discuss Scary Movies With Creepy Sounding Strangers
Scream is a great film that taught me to never engage in weird horror movie conversations with strangers.
2. Never Trust Alarm Systems
Fear taught me that state-of-the-art alarm systems can be easily dismantled by Mark Wahlberg.
3. Seeing Ghosts Is A Blessing And A Curse
Peter Jackson's fantastic horror-comedy The Frighteners is a fun little romp that shows us that seeing ghosts can be a blessing and a curse.
4. Never Get Stranded On An Island Owned By A Doctor
The Island of Doctor Moreau is a really weird and disjointed movie. However, it made me reconsider the safety of islands owned by crazy doctors. Nothing good can happen and and you will have to deal with an overacting Marlon Brando.
5. Worshiping A Powerful Deity Named 'Manon' Can Lead To Nothing Good
The Craft proves that worshiping powerful deities can create some terrible situations. I hope the rumored remake lives up the original.
6. Never Build Portals To Hell
Hellraiser IV: Bloodline taught me that nobody should ever build portals to Hell. Always know what you are making before you accept the commission. A lot of horror movie problems would be solved.
7. There Will Always Be More Monsters
Tremors 2: Aftershocks is a quirky little horror film that proves there will always be more monsters. Never be complacent in a place known for creature attacks.
8. Never Annoy A Gypsy
Never mess with a Gypsy because something terrible will happen. I understand that is was the character's fault in Thinner, but always be cautious around people that can curse you.
9. Always Make Sure You Aren't Entering An Ancient Temple Full Of Vampires
I understand that criminals often make rash decisions when on the lam. However, they should always scout the locations before they enter them. A lot of problems would've been solved if the characters in From Dusk Till Dawn looked around the back of The Titty Twister to make sure they weren't entering an evil temple full of vampires. Rookie criminal mistake.
10. Never Awaken Ancient Vampires
Bordello of Blood is proof that awakening ancient vampires is a terrible idea. It leads to lots of death, torture and more death.
And of course, there are some lessons that seem to transcend the decades of horror, like how cell phones never work in horror movies:
What life lessons did you learn from the horror movies of 1996?