Quiz: Are You Actually a Serial Killer?

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If you're currently wearing someone else's face that might be a pretty big hint...

  1. What's the most important thing to know about someone you're on a first date with?

    • Are they likely to be missed if they disappeared?
    • That they've never dated my mother
    • Do we have similar interests?
    • Do they have lots and lots of money?
  2. Choose an attraction to visit on vacation.

    • A beach somewhere as far from here as possible
    • A deserted patch of woodland
    • The Grand Canyon
    • A church built from human bones
  3. Is there an early memory that stands out to you?

    • Smashing my G.I. Joe to pieces against the driveway
    • Impaling a neighbor's rabbit on a spike
    • A sunny day with my parents
    • Eating gum from the underside of a chair
  4. A friend is sitting on your couch. What are they wearing?

    • The last outfit they'll ever wear
    • Jeans and T-shirt
    • Shackles and a ball gag
    • Oh, I don't have any friends
  5. Pick an embarrassing memory from your school days.

    • I don't really have any, I enjoyed school
    • Oh, I was home-schooled with mother
    • Wetting the bed at a sleepover
    • Getting caught stealing from a friend
  6. How do you feel about children?

    • They make unreliable witnesses, fortunately
    • They're delicious
    • They can be a bit noisy but they're cute little critters
    • I don't like them, they tease me! Make them stop, mommy!
  7. What's your hot new fall accessory?

    • Someone else's face
    • My mother's underwear
    • The designer coat I bought with all that lovely insurance money I just got
    • A lovely warm scarf
  8. What are you having for dinner?

    • An old friend
    • Something from a can, I'm laying low at present
    • Maybe pizza?
    • I've got a dead otter in the freezer, if I brush it off it'll be fine to eat
  9. Can I look in your basement?

    • Uh... OK. Mind the sex swing.
    • Sure! It's a bit dusty, though.
    • Of course! You go first...
    • Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
  10. How many people have you killed?

    • Nine and counting
    • Oh, I've never killed anyone, but my mother is starting to smell a bit funny now...
    • Why, what did they tell you? It was an accident, dammit, an ACCIDENT!
    • None, obviously
Your result:
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