If you're currently wearing someone else's face that might be a pretty big hint...
What's the most important thing to know about someone you're on a first date with?
- Are they likely to be missed if they disappeared?
- That they've never dated my mother
- Do we have similar interests?
- Do they have lots and lots of money?
Choose an attraction to visit on vacation.
- A beach somewhere as far from here as possible
- A deserted patch of woodland
- The Grand Canyon
- A church built from human bones
Is there an early memory that stands out to you?
- Smashing my G.I. Joe to pieces against the driveway
- Impaling a neighbor's rabbit on a spike
- A sunny day with my parents
- Eating gum from the underside of a chair
A friend is sitting on your couch. What are they wearing?
- The last outfit they'll ever wear
- Jeans and T-shirt
- Shackles and a ball gag
- Oh, I don't have any friends
Pick an embarrassing memory from your school days.
- I don't really have any, I enjoyed school
- Oh, I was home-schooled with mother
- Wetting the bed at a sleepover
- Getting caught stealing from a friend
How do you feel about children?
- They make unreliable witnesses, fortunately
- They're delicious
- They can be a bit noisy but they're cute little critters
- I don't like them, they tease me! Make them stop, mommy!
What's your hot new fall accessory?
- Someone else's face
- My mother's underwear
- The designer coat I bought with all that lovely insurance money I just got
- A lovely warm scarf
What are you having for dinner?
- An old friend
- Something from a can, I'm laying low at present
- Maybe pizza?
- I've got a dead otter in the freezer, if I brush it off it'll be fine to eat
Can I look in your basement?
- Uh... OK. Mind the sex swing.
- Sure! It's a bit dusty, though.
- Of course! You go first...
- Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
How many people have you killed?
- Nine and counting
- Oh, I've never killed anyone, but my mother is starting to smell a bit funny now...
- Why, what did they tell you? It was an accident, dammit, an ACCIDENT!
- None, obviously