Which Horror Movie Victim Are You?

By ⋅ Posted on ⋅ Last edit on

Horror Movie Victims are a Diverse Bunch. So which stereotype are you? Take this exciting quiz to discover your secret horror movie personality!

  1. You're sitting around the campfire while someone tells a terrifying tale of the psycho killer that lurks in these very woods. How do you react?

    • You half-listen while trying to decide which one of the hot chicks is most impressed by your lack of fear.
    • You're pissed that everyone seems more interested in some boring story than how amazing your butt looks in your new shorts.
    • You wonder which Marvel superhero would defeat this supposed "psycho" the quickest. Probably Iron Man, but Captain America is pretty badass, too...
    • You don't even realize someone's telling a story. The swirls and crackles of the campfire are too mesmerizing. Dude, it's, like, glowing. Whoa.
    • You start taking notes, documenting this monster's personality traits and weaknesses. If there's a surprise ambush later you need to be ready.
  2. The hottest chick at the party just spilled her beer all down the front of her tight white tank top. What do you do?

    • You discreetly slide your Elder Sign dice away from the river of damaging liquid. Saved! Now you can continue trying to explain the rules to this unappreciative crowd.
    • Give her a hand wiping it up. She definitely did it on purpose, for your benefit. Yeah, game on.
    • You have a brief panic attack. Is she going to waste any more beers? You do a quick booze inventory in your head.
    • Um, hello? I'm the hottest chick at the party!
    • You missed it. You were in the kitchen checking the sharpness of the cutlery.
  3. The gang decides to go skinny-dipping. Your initial reaction to this announcement is...

    • Horror! It's been so long since your skin was exposed to the sun you once got a sunburn while watching the movie The Beach.
    • Horror! You need more time to prepare! How can you possibly take your shirt off without getting a proper pump first? You excuse yourself and do push-ups until you black out.
    • Horror! There's no way you're getting naked. You're not about to let yourself be that vulnerable. Where would you keep your weapons? In fact, you've already decided showers are out, too.
    • Wait, skinny dip? Completely naked? Already? You haven't even had a chance to accidentally let the boys walk in on you changing into your bikini yet!
    • Excitement! You can finally test out the beer can raft you'd been building all winter.
  4. Just as the party is really starting to take off the power suddenly goes out, leaving everyone in total darkness. What do you do?

    • Dammit! Now how is anyone going to notice how much the chilly night air is affecting the front of your blouse?
    • Shit! You were saving your lighter fluid for later, so you could take some huge rips on your giant bong. Fine, whatever, you'll help light some candles.
    • Kick back and wait. The shy chick obviously did this on purpose so she could finally put the moves on you. Game on.
    • You get the hell away from the windows and start planning potential escape routes.
    • Wait! Does this mean there's no Wi-Fi!?!
  5. It's starting to dawn on you that people are leaving and not coming back. Your instinct is to...

    • Gather the remaining Magic cards and store them for safekeeping. These people have no respect for collectibles.
    • Gather the remaining women and carefully explain the virtues and healing properties of an all-out orgy.
    • Gather the remaining beers and stash them, just in case those leeches do return.
    • Gather the remaining people and organize a well-crafted search party. But under no circumstances do you split up.
    • Gather the remaining boys and explain to them, in detail, that your brand new thong is super uncomfortable. And you're probably going to have to just take it off. That outta get their blood pumping.
  6. You notice the creepy old guy, who earlier warned all of you about some sort of impending doom, is lurking outside the cabin. How do you react?

    • You do nothing. This withered old freak is no threat to you. He probably can't even bench his own weight. But just to be safe you walk over to the ladies and find an excuse to remove your shirt.
    • You try to tell the gang that, while the old dude might look creepy, he's probably nothing more than a Level 2 Druid who can barely cast a Divinity Spell. The gang stares at you blankly, so you run to the kitchen for another Capri Sun.
    • In your haze you have a moment of clarity. Is that guy YOU 40 years from now!?! Depression sets in until you find that special baggie in your pocket.
    • You run upstairs to the bedroom, strip down to your undies, throw the curtains open, and practice your yoga; specifically the Downward Facing Dog pose.
    • You realize this crazy nut might be onto something. After some quick stretches you start booby-trapping the doors and windows with various blunt objects.
  7. In a bizarre twist of fate it is revealed that you and the psycho killer are actually related. How do you react?

    • Makes sense, actually. How else to explain your almost supernatural World of Warcraft skills? You wonder if the psycho killer is actually your longtime WoW nemesis, AxeMan17.
    • You feel bad for the guy. Instead of stalking the woods all this time he could have just chilled with you and your best bud, Hambone. You then realize you just thought "best bud" and start laughing uncontrollably.
    • Son of a bitch! You excuse yourself and retreat to the bathroom so you can scrub off your make-up and pull the padding from your bra. So much for "boyfriend material."
    • Doesn't matter. This insane wacko is not your kin. He's not even human. He must be stopped at all costs.
    • Makes sense, actually. Look at the SIZE of this guy. He either works out, like you, or he's just naturally ripped. Like you.
  8. While being chased through the woods by the unseen killer, you stumble upon a seemingly abandoned shack. How do you proceed?

    • You rush inside. After all this cardio you need to find a mirror. Your shirt already feels too loose. In a panic you grab the first heavy object you can find and do chest presses until you black out.
    • You rush inside. It looks like rain is coming and if you get your vintage Spock ears wet you'll never forgive yourself.
    • Cautiously. "Seemingly abandoned" means nothing. This shack could be filled with traps, or the killer could be inside waiting for you!
    • You rush inside. It looks like rain is coming, and as much as the idea of parading around with a wet t-shirt appeals to you, if your hair frizzes, forget it.
    • You rush inside. In the chaos back at the cabin you forgot to stuff your pockets with beers. Hell, even a run-down shack must have a fridge, right?
  9. You've finally come face to face with the killer! What do you do?!?

    • You attempt to use your Jedi mind control on him. Then, as the machete is slicing through your skull, you realize you probably shouldn't have taken those movies so seriously.
    • Give him a little grin. Your entire life has been building to this moment. Your weapon of choice will be the simple steak knife; just so it's not over too quickly.
    • You keep saying, "Uh, my eyes are up here," until he plunges his knife into your abdomen. At that moment you realize he probably wasn't that into you after all.
    • Burst into laughter. This psycho's mutilated skin reminds you of that time Hambone passed out with his face on the waffle iron.
    • Challenge this pansy to a pull-up contest. The only one around here that's going to make the girls scream is YOU.
  10. The psychotic madman, who has left a path of destruction and bloodshed in his wake, is on the ground, a hatchet buried in his skull, seemingly dead. What do you do?

    • You don't stop there. You have at least a dozen more weapons and they're all going into this psycho. You won't be satisfied until he's a pile of hamburger.
    • You put your foot on his chest and take a selfie. Wait'll you post THAT on facebook! The guys at the gym will definitely know who the man is now!
    • Creep up to him and remove his mask. After a careful inspection you toss it away. Dang, not even some modifications would convince people it's an authentic Star Lord helmet.
    • Lay down next to him and take a romantic selfie. Wait'll you post THAT on facebook! The hairy busboy at Denny's will definitely be jealous now!
    • Creep up to him and remove his mask. After a careful inspection you determine that, with just a few modifications, the mask could make an excellent bong.
Your result:
Facebook Twitter
Leave a comment